The problem in your relationship with your children’s father is that you don’t want him to behave the way he behaves and you think you can stop him from doing so. The reality that will help you through this is: you can’t stop him from behaving the way he does. He’s going to keep showing up without notice at inappropriate times and there is nothing you can do to keep him from doing so.
That said, what you can do is to get custody order for visitation so that he is required to show up at certain times, and not allowed to show up at others. I know it’s a drag to do this, but it will help you in the long run and if your children are still young, you’ve got YEARS of this ahead of you, so do the work and get that visitation order.
If both you and your ex understand what is mutually expected of you and in fact, what is ORDERED by the court, then there won’t be so many surprises and you will have some recourse if he behaves erratically.
I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes — and good luck with the job and career.
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