[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like what you want is a great sex life with your wife, but you’ve given up. You’ve got a mistress, but you’re unhappy with the situation, so my advice is that you roll up your sleeves and do the hard work of maintaining a long term marriage! 😀

Both men and women go through dips in their sex drives at different times in their lives, and boredom naturally seeps into any long term relationship. That’s why to make it work you have to tend to the relationship and rather than blame, accept responsibility for your part and BE the change you want in the relationship.

Obviously things aren’t going to magically turn around. You have to start changing your behavior first, and to do that, you have to choose your relationship over your problems. Focus on all that is good — as a start. It sounds like you love your wife for a bunch of reasons. Let her know. Rekindle the romance. Don’t expect mistress behavior (right away) from your wife of ten years. Consider apologizing to her for your part in your flagging sex life — she’ll be taken off guard by your not blaming her and this will be an opportunity for her to crack open the window of change in her own life.

Understand that you’re in a transition in your marriage — it’s become long term — and that that transition requires growth, understanding and intimacy — all of which will lead to good sex.

Let me know if that helps you — and how things go.

See you as well @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀