[Badfinger]

[Cleaned this post up]

Alright. So I will lay it all flat. I get pregnant.. the just of it the guy wanted nothing to do with either of us. even after i forced dna.

He still doesnt so he is out of the picture. I got married.. for support. I thought it was all I had left.

I was young.. pregnant and alone. I did what I thought I had to do. I didnt love him, didnt even know what love was. But god I was so sure I was going to make it happen.

Our marriage has been HELL. I catch him paying for porn online and having video chats.. with his penis in his hands.. I mean.. hes got 2 ex wives.. ( if that doesnt hurt enough) hes got a kid with each of them. this home I live in.. is what they built. its thier memories.

Not to mention.. hes older than me and in the military. I feel like i havent got to grow with him. i feel like im missing out because..

I never got to feel what its like to have nothing and work your way up. he has handed everything to me. ) except happiness.

seems like all we do is fight. he has cheated on me.. more than one time. and Its killed me. I cant become close to him. I dont feel like i have any feelings for him. hes very controlling. I cant workout without him accusing me of cheating! 🙁 each time we get into a fight.. he takes all the money from our bank.. to HIS bank. making me feel trapped. I think thats the whole point.

I recently met a guy.. Hes perfect. when i say perfect I mean for me. I cant even say how..he makes me feel. everything I never thought I could feel.. i feel. Not ONE thing about him I dont adore. I feel about him the same way I felt when I met my daughter. He brings out things in me I never knew I had. Like strength.

I all the suddden want to step up and change my life around. I all the sudden want college, I want to work and be independent. And he supports everything! Hes amazing, it feels like i have this empty pit in my stomach when I dont speak to him.

We actually met online.. just xbox live.

hes Like my best friend honestly. we never even seen a picture of eachother. we just talk. I always offer him to see me and he says ” no I love this mystery beween us I could never care what you looked like. your perfect” I feel so complete talking to him. its been over 1 year now.. he knows I am married. Knows how I feel. wants me to do what I need to do in order to be happy.

I guess.. I just am scared to hurt my husband. I know I dont love him, but I am not a hearltess bitch. although he can be cold enough.. I am not. I want to leave because I know We are nothing to one another.
What should I do? Am I wrong about my xbox date?!? should I leave my husband?