I can connect with your pain. I too am trying to come out of a very similiar relationship. You will find that it goes on for years with no change and your life will just slip away.
If you are not happy with what he is giving, tell him and then end the relationship. You cant change men. Deep down you know there is a problem and you know what that problem is. I am like you, very independent with my own money etc. Some men like independent women, some find us scary.
Another solution would be to rent out your house and find somewhere to rent that where the rent is shared by you both. That might make him feel mopre like a man and making a contribution in the relationship. At less you can end a rental agreement fairly easily if it does not work out. Where the church is concerned, this sounds very important to him. May be you sould try an join in. Some churches have a real family feel to them and this could be why he enjoys it.
Let us know wat you plan to do. John Gray has written some really good books that has made me understand men better.
Let us know how you get on.
