[Ask April Masini]

Things are different when you’re a mother. You don’t come first any more. Your children do. That’s why you have to start cleaning up your act.

First of all, your boyfriend is married and so are you. You’re fooling yourself by believing he’s “separated” when he lives in the same house as his wife! 😕 He’s never going to be yours as long as he’s married and living with his wife. Admit it: he’s taken. And news flash: So are you! Let him go. Your feelings are not as important as your behavior because you have to be fully present for your kids. This guy is a distraction and you have enough on your plate. Sorry. I know it’s hard, but you have to stop seeing him today.

Second, if you are committed to making your marriage work, then focus and do it. You and your husband have serious issues. Make sure that your children are going to be safe from his anger and temper. If they’re not, then you have to find a legal way to protect the kids. If they are, then you have to work to acclimate him back into the family from jail. This isn’t easy and it’s a process. Your marriage is going to need attention and love, as well.

I hope that clears up your confusion. Sometimes people confuse themselves because they don’t want to do the hard work of dealing with what is actually very simple — but distasteful. I think that may be your case.

Let me know if this helps and how things go.

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