[Ask April Masini]

When someone has a socially unacceptable behavior like excessive and/or chronic anger outbursts, the best thing you can do to help them and yourself is by adjusting [i]your own[/i] behavior! Anything you tell her to do or read will not work. She’s too invested in her problem to accept a remedy she has to process and apply. But….if you begin to put up your own boundaries, she’ll have a choice to make each time she misbehaves. She can change her own behavior or get less of you. This is the only thing that will work.

Specifically, if she has an outburst, you can say to her, “I’m not going to tolerate your behavior. I’ll be back in an hour and we can try talking again later,” and then leave the room or the house or the restaurant. You can also give her one five minute warning at first where you tell her that if she doesn’t stop yelling (or whatever she’s doing) in five minutes, you’re going to leave the premises until she cools down.

Consistency and an even temper on your part are what will make this behavior modification work. If she doesn’t deal with this problem now, she’s going to damage your future children and relationships with in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues and friends. Believe me — if she’s acting out this way with you, she’s not going to get better without modification of the type I’ve described to you.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and please join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] and @AskAprilcom on Twitter.