[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to find a way to bridge the gap between her behavior and your distaste for it. Creativity and patience will help. 😉 For instance, you can agree to disagree on her flirting. You find it distasteful and disrespectful. She finds it harmless and fun. You can both be right — but then you have to find common ground. For instance, would she be willing to accept that you don’t agree about her flirting and still change her behavior as a sacrifice for you? We all make sacrifices in relationships and we do things for each other that we don’t agree with, simply because it’s important to the other person. Or, can you find a way to be okay with her outrageous behavior and subsequent church visits? Or…. can you ask her what she’d like from you in exchange for curbing this behavior. It can be anything — and this is how you start making creative deals within a relationship so that both people win when you can’t agree. And, of course, the reverse is true as well. 😉

You’re both stuck in opposite corners of the metaphorical boxing ring and to get out of fight mode, you have to both want to make the relationship work, and be willing to make adjustments — if not at the same time, then one of you budge on this one and the other budge on something else in exchange. That said, if you both feel that this behavior is a deal breaker (she refuses to give it up, and you refuse to be a part of it), then you have no choice but to go your separate ways. But I hear you saying you miss her after breaking up over this, and that’s an indication that you’re ready to make some sort of deal. To get her back in the game, you’re going to have to apologize and bring flowers. She’s got her back up and you’re dug in. Give in, see if the two of you can make the relationship more important than this upset, and come up with some offers that show you’re flexible and a creative problem solver in the relationship.