[Ask April Masini]

What you’re describing happens more often than you think. Yours is a problem that is fixable 😀 but you have to be willing to take responsibility for your part and do some work to get your relationship back on track.

First of all, stop blaming him. If you get into a habit of putting him on the defense because you’re criticizing him, you’re going to get into an infinite fight mode.

Second of all, you need to start taking better care of yourself. If you can’t drive, learn to drive! If you don’t have any friends, make some! If you’re totally dependent, take some responsibility for becoming less so. I understand that being a stay at home mother means not earning money, but you can still learn to drive and make friends so you’re not so reliant on him for all of your social needs.

Third, get the children out of your bed. I know that it’s hard, but your bedroom has to be sacred. It is not cruel for you to make your kids sleep in their own rooms. If they come into your bed at night, gently tell them they have to sleep in their own rooms, and bring them back in. They’ll learn!

Fourth, you have to start being more alluring. If you want your sex life back, take some responsibility for luring him back! 😎 My guess is you’ve let yourself go — and yes, I know this is easy to do when you’re wiped out from being a mommy, but you have to be a sexy wife, too. Start taking care of yourself again. Get your grooming routine back in tip top shape, and give yourself a date night weekly. You can trade babysitting services with your friends and neighbors which will build your social circle, socialize your kids, and give you and your husband one night a week alone!

Start with those four steps — they’re a lot bigger than they sound — and let me know how things go. You can do this!!

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