You’re in an impossible situation because your girlfriend cheated on you, got pregnant and had a baby with that man. Now, she’s linked to that man forever because of the baby, and you’re reminded of him and the betrayal whenever you see the baby. Your rage is palpable, and you’ve had it for two years now. In fact you’re acting out by flirting with other women because you’re so angry.
The bottom line is that this relationship isn’t healthy for you if it continues as it has for the two years since the betrayal. Heartbreak and betrayal are painful, but your pain is just being prolonged with no efforts at healing — just retaliation. And the retaliation isn’t making you feel any better about things.
I don’t know that you’ll ever be able to forget this betrayal because the baby is your lover’s child, but there is the possibility you can forgive. Before you can do that you need to go through some work with your girlfriend and understand [i]why[/i] she cheated on you and for [i]how long[/i] and [i]with whom[/i]. This will require a process of brutally honest conversations. I think part of your rage is about not knowing the extent of the betrayal. Since the betrayal has already occurred, you can’t erase it, but you can use it to get to a new level of honesty with your girlfriend. This will be hard and at times very painful, but it’s the only way you’ll be able to forgive — by understanding what led her to do what she did, and how things are different now so that you can know she won’t do it again.
I hope this helps. Let me know how things go — and follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom as well as on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].
Ask April Masini