[Ask April Masini]

If the only reason that they don’t like him for you is that he doesn’t have the same education that you do, then it would seem to me that they need to get over their problems with him. If that is [i]truly the only reason[/i] that they don’t like him, and if he has a job and is building a career and is respectful and treats you well, it sounds like the problem is with them, not him or you.

The reason you’ve kept your relationship a secret with them is because you’re trying to juggle everyone else’s feelings and not putting your own life front and center. Well, now it’s time to do just that.

I don’t think you’re going to avoid their disappointment and anger at having been kept in the dark about your living arrangements with him. The question is not how they’re going to react — I think you know how they’re going to react. The question is how YOU’RE going to act and react to them. Can you handle their disappointment? If they behave badly and cut you off, will you be able to continue to extend an olive branch to them — as long as they’re civilized to your boyfriend and you? And if they behave badly towards you and your fiance and soon to be husband, will you be able to cut them off if they can’t treat you both with respect?

It’s a given that in any family there will be people who don’t like each other, but civility is what keeps people together. They don’t have to like him, but they have to be civil and if they can’t be civil you have to take yourself and your boyfriend out of any disrespectful situations.

I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but you’ve been hiding the relationship from them to avoid their reaction and the conflict it creates. Now you want to come out of the close with your relationship and you’re going to have to face their music.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes.

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