[Anonymous]

So last night I was talking with my boyfriend, and he was very stressed out. I told him I would call him on the way home, when I walked home from work. I got off at nine, but its a new job so my boss had to keep me a little later to show me things, then my grandpa randomly showed up to drive me home, so I grabbed my stuff and I figured, its only like five mins away driving, I can just call him when I get home. So the second I walked into the door I called him. I apologized for not being able to talk right at nine and I told him about my boss and about my grandpa coming to pick me up. He got really frustrated with me, and he told me that I should have texted him when I got in the car to tell him that I was going to call when I got home. I explained to him that work was only a five min drive from home, so I figured there would really be no point in texting him once and then calling him five mins later. I really didnt think it was that big of a deal. But he drilled and drilled me for it for about thirty mins. He then made me promise that I would text him next time that happened.

Then he started nit picking things about my friend, he had logged onto my facebook and looked at my messages. He said it was an accident, but how can you accidentally click on messages, then page two, then that particular message? I want to believe him, but it seems like a stretch. Anyways, I forgave him for that. But in the message I had told my friend that my boyfriend asked me to marry him (because he did) and my friend reacted very negatively and said you better not! He then expressed how he thought my boyfriend was manipulative and controlling. I got upset and told him it was my choice, and that he didnt know my boyfriend so he shouldnt say such things. But I thanked him for his concern.

So my boyfriend reads all of this then he sends me a message telling me that him and I need to talk, right now. Because this, was not, ok. At all. So I called him, and he proceeded to get upset about this, and I told him it wansnt my fault what my friend felt, and he told me to send my friend a message telling him all the ways that I messed up in the relationship and how my bf really is wonderful (which he is, it just gets hard when he acts like this) and beg him to add him and get to know him. So I did that. My friend said that my by had one more chance and that he better not F it up. My bf made me repeat that to him word for word, so i did but I didnt tell him the rest of the message because I dont like the way he treats me when he gets upset. He asked if there was more and I said no. And then he got all upset that I didnt defend him at all after my friend said that, then he ordered me to send my friend a message defending him. Then he asked again if there was anything, and I felt bad about lying to him so I said there was but I was not comfortable with telling him. Then he got upset, and said, im sorry that you dont feel like you can trust me, and then I felt really bad and emotionally closed down and shut him out.

I asked him if I could go to bed, he said not yet. He kept me on the phone for another hour or so. By the end of the conversation he realized that he was overreacting, he said sorry for it, and he said he thinks he does it as a way to defend himself, and I need to be stronger, and more stubborn so that I dont let his words affect me and so that I can tell him when he is doing it.

Did I overreact to this situation? Am I the one creating these problems by not being able to be strong enough to not let his words and his anger affect me? Is that fair of him to ask? Would doing these things really work? Or this relationship too messed up to try and fight through? He gets this way when he is stressed out, or upset about something (even if it doesnt have to do with me) he lets it out on me. He is getting better at realizing it and saying sorry for it. But with the phone thing, he asked me to say sorry to him for not texting him when I got in the car, is this reasonable? Should I have texted him? I just dont know anymore.. was it/is it me? I know its both of us, but everything seems so blurred.

I am so sorry that this is so long 😕