[Ask April Masini]

I’m still stuck on the comment you made:

[quote]This girl has fingered herself in his bed (while we were dating and did not have anyone’s permission to do so)….[/quote]

Are you kidding? 😯 Seriously? She had to get permission? Really?? In what form — a note? 😯 His permission? Yours? I’m not trying to be facetious here — I’m really asking. If a girl gets into your boyfriend’s bed, and I assume he’s in it, also, and she does something sexual — shouldn’t you be upset at[i] him[/i]?

In fact, all of your concerns about her or other people interfering in your relationship should never be addressed with those third parties. Ever. They should be between the two of you.

It sounds like there are problems between the two of you that allow someone like this to get in between you. In fact, if she did what you said she did in his bed, and he was in it, don’t you think that’s a warning sign that he’s not that interested in you? Clearly, he doesn’t make you feel safe in a relationship and this last episode has become public and ugly. His being mad at you and not standing up for you — in spite of your own mistakes in behavior — really show that he’s not as invested in your relationship as you want him to be. In fact his messaging her with your apology spells it out loud and clear — he felt you did something wrong.

Nobody here did anything wrong — they just let you down. Your expectations weren’t met. You want him to be someone he’s not. It’s a lot easier to blame people and point fingers and judge right from wrong, but the harder thing to look at is that he’s not as interested in your relationship as you want him to be — and that hurts. 😳 Reconsider your commitment. I don’t think he’s going to make you happy, and if you stay together this issue of third parties coming between the two of you is going to get worse.

Let me know if that helps and how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀