Long distance is a lot harder than an in town relationship, and I always advise that you have to give each other way more slack in a long distance relationship than in an in town one. It sounds like you’re both having trouble giving each other that space in a long distance relationship because you want commitment and he wants someone to be with, in a way that the distance isn’t affording him. That’s why he’s seeing this other woman who’s in town. I completely understand why you’re upset about it, but the problem is, you’ve only been dating six months — and that entire six months has been long distance. In general, in an in-town relationship, I suggest you use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue dating that person, and if you do, the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. Long-distance relationships take longer than that six months to decide monogamy because you don’t have the luxury of seeing each other several times a week, to get to know each other and the relationship. So, in addition to the distance challenge, you’ve got a timeline that you’re rushing. You’re not wrong — but you’re making it tough on yourself and the relationship when you’re long distance, at the six month mark, and expecting a commitment that a) needs more time to develop and b) may just not be there for him.
In answer to your specific questions, he’s definitely avoiding your questions because he doesn’t want to disappoint you. He’s dating this other woman who is in town, and while he has feelings for you, he wants the comfort of a real life relationship that this other woman provides. Texting is a way to distance himself from you — phone calls and real life dates are more personal. And as to what you should do, I think that you really want a commitment that he isn’t ready or willing to give. If you can’t play the field in town, while getting to know him long distance (including getting to know his honesty and commitment levels), then I think you should decide that long distance is not for you and look to date someone in town.
I hope that helps. 😉
Ask April Masini