[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like there are several things going on at once:

First of all it sounds like you are still getting to know your husband and you may be mourning the 12 year relationship you gave up to accept an arranged marriage. It’s normal to try and make the arranged marriage just like the 12 year relationship, but it’s also a losing proposition. You have to be more open to who this man is and what this particular marriage is going to be like and try not to compare it to your last relationship.

Second of all, having sex once or twice a week is not abnormal. It falls within the range of normal. You sound disappointed about the difference between your sex drive and the actual sex you’re having is bound to make you feel down. See if you can talk to your husband about having more sex without actually accusing him of doing anything wrong. Men want to be successful and if he feels like he’s failing you, he may back off instead of coming on to you.

Third, the gay porn is not typically something straight men watch, especially if he has no other type of porn and this is the only type of porn he’s interested in. It’s important to talk to your husband about what is upsetting you and to ask him about this vacation buddy he has, and if the buddy is a lover as well as a friend.

Because you want to stay in the marriage if he’s not gay, it’s important that you are clear whether or not he is. I know you want an instant answer, but one of the downsides of arranged marriage is that you don’t really know the man until you marry him and that’s when you BEGIN to get to know him. So don’t get pregnant until you know if he’s a man who is committed to a heterosexual marriage, and if he’s not, then you have to be brave in your choices.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes — and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀