What are the problems you’re having in your marriage that keep you from having the kind of intimacy you want? You’ve talked a lot about your misery and a lot about a woman you can’t have and the pain you’re causing your family, but you haven’t really described the problems you have in your marriage.
Is it your marriage that is empty? Or is it your own personal life that is missing something?
Let me know and I’ll help you further. 🙂