[Ask April Masini]

You’re very committed to your emotions —[i] too [/i]committed to them. 😳 It’s fine to have feelings — people in great, long-term marriages are also attracted to others, but it doesn’t mean that they allow those attractions or distractions to interfere with what’s important to them. Flirtation is great, but it doesn’t have to go anywhere. You’re putting way too much emphasis on your feelings and not enough on your commitments, your behavior and your responsibilities. You’re really indulging your feminine side and you need to unleash your masculine side.

Once you have children, your needs have to take a backseat to theirs. They have to be more important than you are. So in answer to your question, yes, you should stay for your children. You have a wife and the mother of your children who wants to work with you to make your marriage better. Don’t go the easy route and leave them now. If you still want to leave when they’re 18, that’s the time to look for the door. But as children, it’s better for them to have one home with one father and one mother, and given the circumstances you described, there isn’t really the kind of abuse or detriment to the kids in your marriage now, to warrant a split being better for them.

Here’s how you get rid of the distractions in your life:

1. Tell your friend at work that you don’t want to be friends — you just want to be friendly in the office without any double entendres or misunderstandings.

2. Stop responding to her personal contacts. No more lunch. No more phone or IM messaging unless it’s about work.

3. There is no three. That’s it!

Then, you start taking your wife out on a date once a week. And, you get grandparents or aunts and uncles to babysit the kids so you can take her away for a monthly weekend vacation — and twice a year, a week without the kids. In other words, spark your sex life; spark your intimate life; treat her like your girlfriend, not just the mother of your children.

Figure out how the two of you can make the marriage work.

I hope that helps! 😀