First, you have a lot of courage and integrity. Your children come first, before you, and before any future relationship you may (and will) be in. Get a good divorce lawyer so you know what to expect of this process and so your wife does not steamroll over you. It sounds like you are no longer emotionally in your marriage. If you decide to leave it, you want to be able to see your children and you deserve to not have the other parent badmouthing you to the children. Those issues can be addressed in a separation agreement. People don’t change all that much and actions speak louder than words. Your wife has been running things for a long time and she will continue to expect her way through any change in your relationship status. hat’s probably how she feels “safe.”
Second, forget about the woman at work. You are not in a position to be with someone right now because you have more important things on your plate. Once you are safely and securely out of this marriage and have a fixed visitation schedule with the kids, and you know they are going to be okay, then you can start dating — casually. The woman at work is just your reminder that things in your life can be different than they are and you can do something about that. But she is a red light in terms of actual involvement (boyfriend, work colleague — no, no no!). You couldn’t have said it better — “I have to stand on my own.” Keep that phrase in mind as you go through this process. Good luck!
Anonymous