I know you said you didn’t do anything, but you need to reconsider what you actually DID do and try to look at things from your husband’s point of view. You said you “got caught up” with another man. I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds like a betrayal to your marriage. It also sounds like you went on a few dates with him, although you describe them as “meeting up”. Dating another man when you’re married isn’t going to make your husband feel very good. It’s going to make him feel like you were cheating. I hope you can understand that. When the other man took off his pants, you could have left and taken a cab home and/or never seen or spoken to him again out of reverence to your marriage, but it doesn’t sound like that was what was on your mind.
If you had gone to your husband to explain what happened before he found the photos on your phone (why didn’t you delete them? 😯 ) he wouldn’t feel so angry. Right now, he thinks he caught you red handed and you’re back peddling to make excuses for your behavior rather than your having come to him clean with a dilemma and a desire to partner on a solution.
So, the first thing you have to do is try and see things from his point of view and be empathetic. Then you have to understand what your part was in this mistake. It sounds from your post like you have to take some responsibility — I’m not sure you’re ready for that. Then you apologize, profusely, and you tell your husband what you’re going to do to make him more comfortable in the marriage given what’s happened. I think that’s all you can do because he’s going to have to decide if he accepts the apology and if he’s going to trust you again. Trust is earned, and you’ve got earning back to do!
I hope that helps. 😀 Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.
Ask April Masini