[April Masini, your AskApril]

Behavior is a better indicator of feelings than words, so while she says she’s having ex-trouble and “despises” her ex, it sure sounds like she’s still engaged with him. You didn’t mention whether this ex is an ex-boyfriend or an ex-husband. If it’s an ex-boyfriend, it’s hard to understand why she’s still involved emotionally or otherwise with him, but if her ex is an ex-husband and they share custody of the son you mentioned, then it sounds like he’s going to be in her life at least until the child is 18 and most likely beyond that, too.

In that case, you have to decide whether or not she is actually available, emotionally — and socially. Some people take a very long time to get over their divorces, and when there is custody involved, that relationship between exes can fester for a long, long time. Some people test the dating waters, only to find out that they’re still too engaged in their ex relationships to allow a new relationship to flourish. Some people find new partners who embrace the ex relationship because they have matching emotional and social baggage and there’s not just an understanding of what the other person is going through, but parallel relationship dynamics.

You’re getting to know her, and while you want things to go a certain way, you’d be wise to hang back and stop calling her so much. Ask her on dates, and if she goes, great, but if she doesn’t, know that she’s not ready (or willing) to be in a relationship with you (or maybe anyone) right now.

I hope that helps, and that you’re following me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀