April Masini, your AskAprilI don’t think it’s just the extra job that is causing him to feel pressured. I think having a five month old is a big deal for him. Even though he’s 30, some 30 year olds react differently than others to pressure. He’s obviously feeling economic pressure — many times men react to becoming fathers by going out and bringing home the bacon. They feel a need to provide, and his desire to do that is a responsible one.
Many times I get posts from new mothers who have husbands who they find straying like yours did, shortly after a new baby is born. You’re not alone in this problem. My suggestion to you is not to try and extract an apology out of him or to try and make him feel a certain sorrow or remorse. Instead, my suggestion is that you recreate the spark in your long term relationship that was there when you met and has been there all these years you’ve had good times together.
Being a new mother — and in your case a mother of two children — is a lot of work. I imagine you’re not sleeping, you’re really busy, and your children are coming first. Try and look at things from his point of view. He’s feeling like he’s lost his girlfriend and he’s gained a mother in her place. See if you can bring back your sexy — I know this is a tall order with your five year old underfoot and your five month old possibly at your breast, but you need to prioritize your relationship with your man and you need to give him higher priority.
See if you can get the grandparents to babysit so you can have a date night — weekly! Try and get rid of that baby weight, and I know it’s hard with a new baby, but try and put on some mascara and lipstick and look cute for him. For many new mothers sex is just not on their mind — but I can assure you it’s on his. Make sure you’re having sex. That’s going to help things between you a lot.
Basically, I’m asking that you not forget, but forgive him for now while you do your part to get this relationship back on track. If you do, my guess is that he’ll come to you and apologize for hurting you and tell you how he values your family — without you’re having to beat it out of him.
I hope that helps.
