The FIRST thing you have to do is get your relationship back on track. You’re already invested four years and two children in this guy, so give it your best shot. Don’t bring up the other woman now. Wait until things are better between the two of you — and ideally, wait for him to bring it up because he is so re-enamored with you, he feels terrible about having hurt you.
IF he continues contacting her, then you have a different problem. But right now, you don’t have that problem as far as you know, so don’t jump the gun because it’s going to ruin things.
I know you’re afraid to lose him, but your behavior will push him away if you’re not careful. Treat this situation as you know it to be now. If you need to talk about your feelings regarding the other woman, do it with a best friend. Your husband doesn’t have to be EVERYTHING to you. There are certain feelings and conversations that are best shared with sisters, brothers, friends, parents, bosses — but not husbands. It’s not a betrayal — it’s common sense. He’s already under enough pressure — don’t make him be your shrink, too! 😉
And lastly, relax. You’re anxious and that anxiety will work against you. Take it easy. One day at a time, and move in the right direction. 😀
