[Ask April Masini]

People don’t always say what they mean. Sometimes they say things to make their own lives easier. Whenever there is the slightest doubt about what someone says, I always say, Check the behavior! Behavior carries far greater weight than dialogue, so while he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend now so he can focus on his grades, the fact that he put up a dating profile on a website speaks volumes. I think he told you he ended the relationship to focus on grades because he felt that was a kinder excuse for you to accept than the fact that he’d just like to try dating other women, which clearly is upsetting to you. He doesn’t want to hurt you — but he doesn’t want to trap himself in a relationship he’s not interested in any more, either. 😳

That he’s now befriending you here and there doesn’t mean he’s going to stop his dating adventures. It’s just easier for him to be friends with you than accept your anger and upset.

As for winning him back, you’re doing what you need to do in starting to take care of yourself in ways you haven’t in the past. If you become a better version of yourself, and he’s still interested in you, he’d be crazy not to try and ask you out again. But if you become a better version of yourself and he doesn’t ask you out, it’s because he feels like he’s already dated you for a year and he’s just not interested in you. I know that’s harsh, but you have to understand that you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea nor are they going to be yours. Dating is a numbers game and you deserve to find a man who really wants to be with you — not someone you have to convince to date you.

Focus on yourself and let him go — if he’s attracted to you and wants to see you, he’ll call you. If you throw yourself at him, you’ll never give him that opportunity.

I hope that helps — let me know how things go!

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