[Ask April Masini]

First of all, you’re jumping the gun in this relationship. If you’re dating for two months, you’re not ready to commit. Instead, you should be waiting to figure out if you’re both compatible before you make a commitment. You’re doing things backwards and amping up the drama by committing before you really get to know someone. This is especially true since you just ended a five year relationship. You should want to be more careful this time in choosing someone you’re comfortable with.

Second, you went through her telephone because you didn’t do the work described above. If you date her with an open mind — in fact date other women, too at the same time because you’re still deciding who you want to be with — then you’ll learn more about her before committing, and if you learn about her first, and THEN commit based on your knowledge, you won’t feel the need to do reconnaissance work to find out if she’s cheating on you!

Third, don’t try to be friends with your ex. It’s too soon and it’s going to be an obstacle for any other woman who comes along and may be Ms. Right. No one will want to date you if you’re still trying to be friendly with your five year ex of only two months.

My advice in the end is to not be so committed to this woman and open yourself up to dating other women, too, to find Ms. Right. You don’t know this woman well enough to commit like this. You’ve already gone through her phone and whether you tell her or not, you’ve discovered she’s talking to her ex while she doesn’t want you to. I don’t think she sounds like the right one for you now. Let go and open up to the possibility that someone great is out there. But do the work!

I hope that helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.