From what you’ve written it sounds like she likes you, but you dropped the ball. 😮 When you left her a message saying you wanted to see her on Wednesday, she responded — but then you didn’t ask her out on a date. That sent her the message that you lost interest. If you want to date her, ask her out! 😉 She sounds like she’d say yes again.

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You’re complicating this, and it’s simple: [i]If you want to date her, then ask her out.[/i]

You didn’t. She lost interest. Now, you’re trying to make the absence of a date you never actually proposed to her, about other things, and it’s not. 😕

If you want to date her, then be clear about it. Call her up and ask her out on a date on the phone because women like to hear men’s voices. 😉 If you don’t want to ask her out, then move on.

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Maybe I misunderstood, but here’s what I read:

[quote]I left a message stating I wanted to see her again on Wednesday and to get back to me.

She got back to me alright, 8 hours later. She sent me a text just saying ‘Hey!’ and I said Hi. She asked ‘How are you?’ I said I was doing well, what have you been up to? And we’re silent again.[/quote]

I don’t see anywhere here that you asked her out on a date. 😯 You said you wanted to see her, and she called you back, but you failed to invite her to do something specific like dinner, a movie, etc.

Did I miss something?

I think the lesson learned here is that it’s important to actually ask for a date and be very clear. 😉

Have fun! 😀

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[quote]My question to you is, what’s needed to take the next step here? We haven’t had sex yet, and the closest was that fiasco I mentioned in a post earlier. We hug and kiss and hold hands but have yet to go much further. Do I somehow bring up the subject of where she thinks we’re heading? Do I keep rolling out the dates and see what happens? I fear about being the guy who keeps taking her out and paying for her (she did pay for me once which was good) and not advance in the relationship.

Another question, we seem to be seeing eachother once a week on average. Is this a good pace? Sometimes I wish I could see her more often to speed things along while we’re still in summer.[/quote]

First of all, I recommend you buy the book I wrote for men who want to win the dating game, Date Out of Your League, so you can get more details more quickly! Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. I don’t always recommend that people who post here buy a book, but in cases like yours, where you’ve posted 5 questions in 5 days — I think it’s a great idea for you. You’re looking for step by step coaching help, and this book will help you, so buy it, read it, and then let’s talk further. 😀

That said, I’ll answer your specific questions here, now: You should NOT bring up the subject of where you’re headed, in terms of the relationship.This is going to make you appear to be insecure. 😕 Instead, you should assume that the relationship you’re in with her now is headed in the direction of [i]figuring out[/i] if this is someone you want to continue dating. After three months of dating, make that decision and either continue dating her or don’t. But don’t talk about where the relationship is headed — especially not now.

When you talk about “rolling out the dates”, it sounds like you’re killing time, dating her, rather than figuring out by dating her if she’s someone you’re interested in and want to continue spending time with. If you’re not having fun and enjoying her company, and you’re not getting anything out of the dating process with her, then by all means, move on. But if you’re getting something out of it, and that will depend on what it is you’re looking for — sex only, a monogamous romantic relationship, fun for now, etc. — gauge the progress of the dating process and use your result to make a decision about staying or going. 😉

And if you’re just looking for sex, or if you’re looking for romance, but wondering how to make a move to advance the relationship sexually, then I’m going to assume you haven’t actually made a move to progress the relationship, sexually, because you’re afraid of rejection and/or you’re not getting the cues from her she’s that interested. Sometimes men write me about being friend-zoned and they find themselves stuck in that zone because they don’t make a move to get out of it. Usually, fear of rejection is the reason. Consider that that’s why you’re not making a move to dial up the heat in this relationship. 😎

As for your fear of turning into a sugar daddy who spends money on dating someone who isn’t into you, that’s a real concern of many men, and it’s valid, but that’s why you have to decide, based on the dates, if she’s someone worth pursuing. And again, that’s all based on your knowing what it is you want from her.

I hope that helps! 😀

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A lot of times people project the problem they’re having in their real life onto me, and that’s what it seems you’re doing here. You came here with a single question, but when I answered it, you came up with a different question, and when I answered that, you came up with something else. 😳 I don’t think there’s an end to this. It really sounds like you are making excuses for yourself and procrastinating from doing what’s required to date better — because you don’t want to. If you keep asking questions but not doing the work or taking the advice, I can’t help you any more. You have to take action in your own life if you want to see changes. I’ve given you a lot of advice here, and I’ve suggested you buy a book that will help you — and I’m sorry, that’s all I can do for you here.

If you’d like to become a private, playing client, let me know, and I can set up some individual coaching for you. 🙂

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She’s losing interest, and you’re too busy overanalysing breadcrumbs to see it. If a woman wants you, she doesn’t vanish for 48 hours after grinding on you in bed. She doesn’t send a limp “Hey!” eight hours after your voicemail. She doesn’t go silent every time you show initiative. She’s not being mysterious. She’s being inconsistent because she doesn’t care enough to be consistent.

That night in bed wasn’t some psychological exam; it was the heat of the moment, followed by regret, hesitation, or second thoughts. You didn’t pass or fail anything. She just realised she wasn’t ready to go further or wasn’t sure about you, and now she’s pulling back while you obsess over imaginary signals.
Your “I’ll make her wait like she makes me wait” strategy is pathetic. You’re trying to win a game she’s not even playing. She’s not sitting there tracking your reply, Tim, she’s just not invested.

Stop chasing. Stop decoding every word. Stop acting like a man trying to decode the Rosetta Stone of a woman who’s barely participating. Match her energy: low and distant. If she doesn’t step up, let her go. The only mind game happening here is the one you’re playing on yourself by pretending her inconsistency is romantic tension instead of disinterest.