[Anonymous]

I met a guy online about two months ago (I message him first and was glad to get a message back!)

Anyway, we chat for about a month and then set up a date…but he mentions he needs to pick up a mattress from his sisters house and would need to leave by 7pm. (he just moved to the area) We both agree that it’s not what we wanted (we want a longer date) so we take a rain check. Anyhoo, in his profile he says he works 6 days a week and works long hours. Getting to know him, I know this was true. He works very hard and I’ve never bugged him about that. We chatted pretty much every other day. He’d take the initiative to start the convo as well, so I don’t think I come off as clingy or anything. I’ll admit, I was sorta dating around the time i met him. I officially ended things with the other person because things went horribly after three months and I felt like I was putting up with his garbage because I wanted to have sex. I was in such a bad mood that I nearly ended things with the newer guy because I just didn’t feel like dealing with anyone and I was frustrated. Although he has mentioned that he usually gets to know someone at least a month before meeting up with them, I was getting frustrated because I usually meet up with people within three weeks. I decided to ask him out on a date. A last ditch effort

Finally, I had a date at the zoo with him a week ago and had a great time. 😀 We laughed, talked about our friends, made jokes, talked about work. Everything felt great. Before we parted ways, I ask if I could get a hug. Not thinking anything of it, really. I like hugs and the date went well so I thought it would be okay. He said he doesn’t normally give hugs and it just got really awkward for a few secs. But he quickly changed his mind and gave me a really nice full hug, not that half a hug I tried to go in for. I should also mention that he insisted on paying for my bottle of water and later on for lunch. I thought it was sweet because it didn’t feel forced.

It’s now a week later and I’m not sure where to go now. We have spoken since our date but I’ve remained cool and not brought up a second date yet. I don’t want to come off as clingy even though I’m into him! We had talked about our pets during the date, so yesterday I sent him a picture of one of mine. I wasn’t expecting a text back anytime soon because he was working and because I wasn’t asking him anything, just showing him a picture of my cute lil birdie. Last time I had texted him I always get a text after he’s gotten off his shift. I didn’t get a text back at all, but saw him online for a few moments and I just take it he went to sleep at his usual time. But thats normal. So I’m not freaking out about that.

What should I do? should i ask him out again? Wait for him to ask me out? I know for sure I won’t send him a text again since he didn’t respond to the other one, so I’ll be catching him online. I don’t feel super comfortable calling because we chat online. (not saying im not open to the idea, but i’d like to feel more comfortable first). This is someone who got out of a long term relationship over a year ago and hasn’t had sex since. So I feel I should be very careful with him. 😳

I’m a 22 year old female and hes 27

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Do not ask him out again — it’s always a mistake to ask a guy out and pursue him like you are. The first reason this is a mistake is because you’re taking the opportunity away from him. Men love to be the ones to pursue women. When you take this pleasure away from him, he’s never going to feel like he’s won you over by chasing and capturing you. He’s going to feel like you hurled yourself at him, and he’s gone home with the booby prize. He’ll keep looking for someone less attainable to chase.

The other reason you shouldn’t ask him out or ask for a hug or a kiss or anything else is because you start wondering if he likes you or why he isn’t asking you out again because you’ve had a nice time when you are together. Trust me: if a man wants to date you — HE WILL! If this guy wants to date you’ll he’ll ask you out. If he doesn’t want to date you he won’t. He may go out with you when you pursue him because he’s bored, he may be able to get sex with you (men have sex because they can — not because they necessarily like you), you may have cute friends he can date later, or he has nothing else to do.

My advice is to let go of this guy. If he asks you out, great. If he doesn’t it will be okay because you’re going to be looking out for other men to date — right? Right! 😆

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Member]

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