[Anonymous]

I’m going to get straight to the chase on this one. Me and this girl(we will call her Jen) really like each other. A few weeks before we started talking she had gotten out of an abusive relationship where the guy(john) would yell and scream and sometimes physically abuse her. We have been talking a lot lately and moved into a good spot where I thought maybe we could start dating. But tonight she informed me that she still has feelings for John but she still wants it to work out with me. I trust her that she wants to be with me, but she has already left him previously and ended up going back, only to get hurt time and time again. I have a bad feeling that she will go back to him and forget about me and start the vicious cycle again, even though she knows that he will do this to her and that I am better for her. I am just worried about her and the relationship that we could have in the future and how that will be changed depending on what I do. Help anyone?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Trust your instincts. You’re probably right that she will not let him go and will not only go back to him again and again, but involve you in a triangle that you shouldn’t be in. Women who stay in abusive relationships have a very hard time breaking the cycle of abuse. It’s great that you want to help her, but sometimes towing a hard line, like telling her you can’t be friends with her if she continues to see a man who physically abused her instead of reporting him to the police so that he won’t hurt her or anyone else, is better than enabling her. She needs to take responsibility for her part in any relationship and she’s telling you straight out that she’s not done with this guy who is abusive.

My advice is to move on and find a woman who has a healthier outlook on relationships and who can bring you a lot more joy and less pain.

I hope that helps.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Member]

Posts