[JackB]

Hi April,
I don’t know if this is the sort of question you normally deal with, but maybe you can help me out. I’ve tried internet dating sites a few times since I don’t have much opportunity to meet women in social settings. Unfortunately, I really don’t have much luck with these sites. Now, I’ll freely admit that I’m not George Clooney, but I’m not some hideous cave-dweller either, and I always take time to write out a coherent, thoughtful self-description in my ad, and yes, I try to inject bits of humor here and there without crossing over into being obnoxious, yet I simply don’t get replies. So then I figure, okay, time for me to take the initiative, and I look up women who have similar interests, personalities, etc, and I write to them. When I write to them, I make a point of actually reading their ads carefully, and trying to reference specific things that they talked about, figuring they might appreciate the fact that I’m paying attention to what they wrote, but it feels as though my emails are just getting sent into oblivion. And no, I’m not just going for the incredibly “hot” girls (I know those women must get flooded with emails, so I actually tend not to even bother trying if someone is TOO good looking, figuring my emails will just get lost among the thousand or so other emails that they receive that day.)

I should point out that I don’t like to be overly persistant– If I send an email to someone, and she doesn’t respond, I’m not going to send a second and a third (I know some guys do this, and maybe some women like the persistance, but it just seems a bit obnoxious to me, not to mention desperate.)

Over the past week, I wrote to about ten women, who all seemed like good matches for me based on their descriptions (and their descriptions of what they are looking for), yet I didn’t get a single response.

So I guess my question is, do you have any advice on how to have more success with this? I’m starting to feel like a leper! Thanks.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, check your own profile and photos that you’re posting online. It’s possible the women are checking you out and not finding you to be interesting to them. So try switching up your photos, changing your answers to questions and making sure you’re honest and flirtatious. Next, re-consider the women you’re trying to meet. Either change your tact, broaden your horizons or increase your outreach to increase your yield! Third, consider the way you’re approaching these women. Is your first e-mail overly serious? Too long? And fourth, re-consider the sites you’re using to meet dates. There are so many now, find one that works best for you.

Let me know if those tips work, and let me know how it goes. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[JackB]

Thanks for the tips!

[quote]
So try switching up your photos, changing your answers to questions and making sure you’re honest and flirtatious
[/quote]
The photos I chose are ones that have gotten positive feedback on Facebook from some of my female friends, so I figured those were safe bets (to be honest, I find it hard to judge my own photos… sometimes I’ll see one that I think makes me look good, and a female friend will tell me it isn’t good, and then I’ll see another that I think came out horribly, and she’ll tell me it’s really good. But, hey, I’m trying to attract women, so I go by what they say.)

As for being flirtatious– I always find that a bit tricky. I’ve looked at other guys’ ads in the past to see how they handle it, and a lot of times, the ones that try to be flirtatious just end up sounding a bit off-putting to me. Then again, I’m a guy, so maybe to women they sound appealing.

[quote]
Next, re-consider the women you’re trying to meet. Either change your tact, broaden your horizons or increase your outreach to increase your yield!
[/quote]
I’m not really a believer in the “opposites attract” theory, so I try to stick with women whose profiles I feel I can really relate to. And I think one of my problems is that I don’t drink or smoke, and it’s really hard to find other people who don’t do at least one of those things, and also really hard to find anyone willing to date a guy who doesn’t enjoy going for drinks. Maybe you’re right, though, maybe I do need to expand my horizons a bit. I just don’t know how happy I’d be spending time with somebody who did enjoy drinking and smoking.

[quote]
Is your first e-mail overly serious? Too long?
[/quote]
Definitely not overly serious… I always try to throw in some light-hearted humor.

Too long? I don’t really know what’s expected. I like to actually SAY something when I write, because I know a few years back when I first tried online dating, I got emails from some women who didn’t say much of anything. Typical responses I’d get would be: “hi can u send pic?” or “wutz up? how r u? tell me more.” And I would just ignore those emails. On rare occasions, I’d actually get a full-length email in which the person told me about herself, her interests, why she liked my ad, etc, etc, and those were the responses I really respected, so I try to do that myself when I respond to a woman’s ad. But maybe that’s a turn-off for some people in this age of texting? (I also have a bit of a pet-peeve about people who can’t punctuate and capitalize, as well as people who think “u” and “you” are interchangeable… maybe I need to loosen up on that.)

Anyway, on a positive note, after I wrote to you, one of the people I had contacted on Saturday finally wrote back to me last night, and we’ve exchanged a few emails since.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m glad you got a response! If you want more advice, you should read a book I wrote called Date Out of Your League: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It will supplement (greatly) the advice I’ve given you here. 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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