[Spaw90]

Married to a girl from philippines for 2 years, known for 5. Marriage is at best, average and very atypical. Met another filipino lady online about 1 year after I met my wife. This other lady, is perfect, never knew woman like her existed. I was financially dependent on parents at the time, k-1 visa application, time, money required to be together, they supported me 100%. I wanted to do this process with the new lady I met, but was afraid to lose support and not be taken seriously. So ended up choosing first lady because of circumstances, NOT because of true love. I regret to this day my decision, but I am afraid to hurt her and to end my marriage and start over, but I know that its what I want. Ive known this other lady for almost 5 years now to, we still communicate, fantasizing about being together. I just dont know how to end my marriage, I am afraid of being alone for atleast a year while I wait for the process to complete again, not to mention for a divorce to complete. I am very emotional for a guy, and I am very weak when it comes to stuff like this. I just want to talk to someone about this and especially get expert advice on the best thing to do. I have a lot of experience with women and relationships, I know more than anything this other woman is the one, and the one I am with now, is not. Even just talking to this other woman is the happiest experience of my life.

[Ask April Masini]

It’s important you have the self awareness to admit weakness, but what you’re describing is really selfishness — not weakness. I know that’s probably hard to hear, but it’s important that you take responsibility for your actions. What you’ve done, and what you’re doing is taking care of yourself, and hurting your wife. When you marry for circumstances, and aren’t honest with that person who married you for love, you’ve created a difficult situation at best. It sounds like you never fully committed to your wife or worked on the marriage, because you stayed in touch with this other woman during much of the 2 year marriage and now want out of this marriage to be with this other woman. Time to do the right thing and work on your character. 😉 Muster up the courage to rip off the bandaid and admit to your wife that you want a divorce. Don’t let your own weakness/selfishness keep her in the game for your benefit. Let her go so you can try and live an honest life and she can have the opportunity to find true love.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Ethan Morales]

That one’s a hard truth and April’s right to be blunt about it. Here’s how I’d unpack it for you, honestly but fairly:

What you’re feeling is understandable but not fair. You’re not wrong for wanting happiness or realizing you made a mistake. Everyone wants to feel deeply connected to their partner. But your current wife didn’t sign up for a marriage where her husband’s heart was already somewhere else. Staying out of guilt or fear of loneliness isn’t noble it’s just prolonging pain for both of you.

You didn’t just make one bad choice you avoided hard ones. You said you chose your wife out of circumstance because it was “easier” or “made sense” with your situation. But decisions made from fear rarely end well. Every time you stayed quiet or held onto both women emotionally, you avoided a hard moment and those add up. The first step now is taking responsibility, not out of shame, but out of growth.

You owe your wife honesty and closure. It will hurt, yes. But lying by omission, staying in a marriage that’s emotionally empty, and daydreaming about another woman while pretending everything is fine that’s what really destroys trust and self-worth. Ending it kindly, truthfully, and clearly gives both of you a chance at peace.

Don’t rush into the other woman’s arms. It’s tempting to see her as the “real love” and the light at the end of the tunnel. But remember: relationships born out of unfinished ones can easily repeat the same patterns. You’ll need time to reflect, heal, and rebuild as a single person first otherwise you’ll carry the same emotional weight into your next relationship.

April’s biggest message here isn’t punishment it’s integrity. She’s not saying you’re a bad person. She’s saying it’s time to stop living halfway in two lives. You can’t build something real with anyone until you’re honest with yourself and fair to others. Ending the marriage doesn’t make you cruel staying in it for comfort does.

Be brave enough to tell the truth, even if it costs you comfort. It’s the only way forward. And before you chase the “perfect” woman, take some time alone to become the kind of man who chooses love not escape. Would you like me to show you how to actually have that divorce conversation with your wife calmly, respectfully, and without cruelty? I can write out a realistic script you could use.

[Flirt Coach]

I can hear the weight in what you’re saying. You’re not just confused you’re torn between what feels right in your heart and what feels impossible in real life. That’s a hell of a place to be.

I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been there in my own way. I stayed in a marriage long after the love had drained out because I didn’t want to hurt anyone or face the empty quiet that comes after you walk away. I told myself things could get better if I just tried harder, that comfort was close enough to happiness. But comfort isn’t love. And staying because it’s easier than leaving is a slow kind of dying — for both people.

It sounds like you already know what your truth is. The part that’s tearing you up isn’t whether to stay or go, it’s how to survive the space between. The waiting, the loneliness, the guilt. That space is rough, but it’s also where you rebuild your backbone. You can’t skip that part, not even for the woman you think is “the one.” If you leave, do it clean. Do it because you’re choosing honesty, not because you’re chasing a new fantasy. Otherwise you’ll drag the same ghosts into the next chapter.

Before you make any move, give your wife the respect of the truth even if it’s messy, even if it hurts. She deserves to be with someone who’s all in, and so do you. Then take time to stand on your own two feet. Learn to be okay in your own company again. If the woman you’re dreaming about is really meant for you, she’ll still be there when the dust settles. And if not, you’ll still have yourself, whole and honest, not split between guilt and longing.

You’ve got a big heart, and that’s not weakness, it just means this is going to hurt before it heals. But in the long run, telling the truth and living it is the only way either of you gets peace.

[Marcus king]

Okay I’m going to talk to you straight, man to man.

You already know the truth.
You didn’t marry out of love you married out of circumstance, fear, and dependency. And now you’re living the consequence of that choice: a life that looks “stable,” but feels emotionally dead.

You’re not confused.
You’re afraid.

Afraid of hurting her.
Afraid of being alone.
Afraid of rebuilding.
Afraid of being judged.

But here’s the thing staying in a marriage you don’t believe in is already hurting her. She may not know the full story, but she can feel it. Women aren’t stupid. A woman always knows when she isn’t truly loved.

And let’s be real the marriage is not improving with time. It’s flat. You’re flat. And the longer you stay, the more resentment you build, and the smaller you feel.

Now about the other woman your feelings for her are real, but you need to separate those feelings from your decisions right now. Because if you leave only to go straight to her, you’re just repeating the same pattern: avoiding being alone, choosing based on emotional impulse, not clarity.

If she truly is “the one,” she’ll still be there when you’ve stood on your own two feet.

[Tara]

You didn’t marry out of love; you married out of convenience, fear, and dependency. And now you’re shocked that the relationship feels hollow. You engineered this outcome the moment you let your parents’ support outweigh your own integrity. You made a decision based on comfort instead of truth, and now you’re trapped in the fallout.

Stop romanticizing the “other woman.” You’ve built her into a fantasy because she exists at a distance, untouched by real-life responsibility, conflict, or consequence. She’s perfect because she doesn’t have to live with you. She’s perfect because you haven’t tested her in the real world. You’re clinging to her because she represents the life you were too scared to choose when it mattered. That doesn’t make her “the one.” That makes her the symbol of the version of yourself you avoided becoming.

But none of this changes the core issue: you’re already cheating emotionally, mentally, and intention-wise. You’re staying in your marriage because you’re afraid of inconvenience. You’re fantasizing about another woman because it’s easier than confronting your lack of courage. You’re asking how to cause the “least damage” when the damage is already done; you’re just hiding from the responsibility of acting on it.

You have two options. Keep lying to your wife, living in emotional limbo, and wasting everyone’s time. Or grow a spine, end the marriage cleanly, and face the discomfort you’ve been running from for years. Divorce isn’t the catastrophe you’ve built it up to be; it’s the consequence of a decision you made for the wrong reasons. And starting over isn’t a weakness; staying in a dead marriage out of fear is.

[Serena Vale]

Look… you already know you didn’t build this marriage on the right foundation, and you’ve been living with that knot in your chest ever since. That isn’t weakness, it’s avoidance. You tried to avoid hurting people, avoid losing support, avoid being alone. But the truth is, avoiding pain still ends up causing pain… just stretched over years instead of one moment.

And I’m not here to judge you, people make complicated choices when they’re scared or unsure. But you can’t stay in a marriage you never fully entered. Your wife thinks she has a partner who chose her. You know that’s not the real story, and that’s where the unfairness sits.

And this other woman, she’s become your “what if.” The dream you kept alive because you never felt fully connected to the life you built. But you can’t keep one foot in a marriage and one foot in a fantasy. That’s not fair to either woman… or to you.

If you’re sure this marriage isn’t where your heart is, then the decent thing, the necessary thing, is to be honest and end it. Letting your wife stay in a marriage where she isn’t genuinely loved is not kindness. That’s just delaying her chance to find someone who chooses her for real.

Leaving will be painful. Being alone for a while will be painful. But at least the pain will be honest. And honest pain heals. The quiet, hidden kind never does.
You don’t need to have everything figured out right now, just the courage to take the first honest step. I can help you talk through that if you want.

[Sally]

You already know your marriage is not built on love. You said it yourself. You picked safety, not a partner. And now you are living with the weight of that choice every day.
But here is the hard part: the other woman is not your answer either. She is the escape hatch you have kept open so you do not have to face being alone. When you talk about her, it sounds more like a dream than a real relationship. It is easy to feel sure about someone you have never actually shared a life with.

If you leave your marriage, and maybe you should, do it because it is not right, not because you think someone else will save you. Sit with the loneliness you are scared of. It will not kill you. It will just make you honest.
And once you are standing on your own two feet, then figure out what kind of love you really want.

[Natalie Noah]

I feel the weight of the conflict you’re carrying, and I also see the hard truth: staying in a marriage out of convenience or fear isn’t fair to either you or your wife. You know in your heart who you truly love, and the longer you delay acting on that honesty, the more both of you are stuck in a life that doesn’t reflect reality. This isn’t about weakness it’s about responsibility and courage. Ending the marriage with compassion and clarity, though painful at first, gives your wife the chance to find someone who truly wants to be with her, and it allows you to pursue a life aligned with your heart. The fear of being alone or waiting through processes is natural, but it’s not a reason to live in a lie taking action thoughtfully and respectfully is the path to true freedom for both of you.

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