[dundee]

Hi April..I am a 41 year old guy , have been in a relationship with my 31 year old partner over past 5 years. We dated for a year at the end of which I moved with her to a foreign country but left her there for the same reason i am concerned about now. we have spent the 14 months living together until this past thursday. about her: she once told me that she has cheated on every guy she has dated and i am the first that this has not happened. she mainly has guy friends as she is tomboyish and a very strong personality.(i love her very much.). when we got back together she insisted on seeing her guy friends at least once a week and i was not allowed to join.she would come home drunk at 2am. we had huge fights about that i was not allowed to join and then she told me she would stop this just for me.she had one true (straight)’girl friend but who made a move on her the last time they got together (my partner tells me she is straight and guess i believe this). she told me how hurt she was about this good friend of hers, they are not friends any more.so we have lived the past 6 months with her not seeing these friends. i have often said invite them over, 4 birthdays etc but never happens.she has now left for a foreign country beacuse her family immigrated there and she wants dual nationality. she cried at the airport and said she loves me deeply and will miss me . she said that she wants to have children with me & wants us to stay toegether (we did not break up). we plan to stay in touch weekly and stay together.of course only an idiot would continue this if he was being cheated on/ kept as a backup plan. i have ask directly if this is the case , she has denied it , saying it is very hard for her to be separated from me but wants always to be able to see her elderly mother who live s over there.she insits this is not a breakup but necessary…but a month ago , she left her email open and had written to her mother that she cant stand to be around me. we had gon eout the night before where she had spent the night chatting to a guy (friend of my friend) i had got bored so drank too much and ignored them as she was to me . she then wrote that it was a good thing i was drunk as she had enjoyed her naughty steak returning and thank god i didnt notice..it was in apub and they danced i dont care and she knows she can dance with other guys but obviously this is not what she was refering too. do you think i am a fool to carry on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, you are a fool to trust her. 😕 She’s done everything but take out a neon billboard sign that says she’s using you and doesn’t really care about you very much. The only reason to stay with her is if you really have low self esteem and want it to go though the floor! 😮

First of all, she’s told you she’s cheated on every guy she’s ever been with. Do you really think you’re the ONE guy who’s going to be the exception to the rule? When you see a pattern in someone’s behavior, pay attention to it.

Second of all, she won’t let you meet her guy friends and she goes out with them without you, drinks, and stays out until the early morning hours. Obviously, if she cared about you she’d want you with her and she’d want you to meet her friends. 😳

Third, she’d rather be with her elderly mother than you. It’s wonderful to love one’s parents, but not at the expense of a potential husband, which I assume at your age and with four years of a relationship with her under your belt, you’re at least considering.

Behavior speaks volumes about a person’s character and their expectations for their lives. She’s told you all you need to know to understand she’s not Ms. Right. My advice is to break up and find a woman who’s actually nice to you, likes you (and even loves you!) and wants you to be part of her life. You’ll be a LOT happier!

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[dundee]

hi thanks for you thoughts. in her defence, for going to stay with her mother for months:i am not well off and we have had to share all expenses around the house 50/50.she has said i would not be able to support a family like this. my work brings in limited income currently and have almost finished my savings. so the argument against could be that she is waiting for me to get a better job , then come back and then will marry me.do you think there is any chance that if one has cheated like her in the past, that this could stop.. forever. if we marry, i am a good father, bring in enough income? she has said that all she wants is a baby. re her past: she told me that she has had an abortion and now lives with the guilt. her father died in a terrible car crash and was actually murdered. (her father was a wealthy businessman who earned his money in underhand ways. (and then lost it all). she lost an ex boyfriend who drove over a cliff. that she was drugged and raped once. that she had her first sexual partner when she was 12. had anorexia which now stops her eating normally. has urticaria which flares up when she is stressed. claims she is psychic to a certain extent. she can spend a weekend just smoking drinking wine by herself and happily staring out the window. she will drink a whole bottle of wine , want sex and then get angry if i am turned off by it and when i say that she is drunk. she expects orgasms every time we have sex and when it doesnt always happen she will get upset and tell me that i am selfish in bed. . she had a boyfriend who she broke up with as she said he got violent. she has a taste for ‘adventurous’ sex and would like it if i spanked and bit her, put my hand on her throat during sex. i can imagine how maybe it wasnt his fault?? we had sex almost every day until the last 7 months , then just once a week. – she became unessarily obsessed with her work, even dreaming about it. the thing is that she is more highly sexed than me… (not that i am not!). she is intelligent, beautiful . she describes herself as complicated. she is down to earth and so am i. in the last week before she left we only had sex once.but slept together every night..i havnt given up yet but wud greatly apprct more comment!

[dundee]

hi ,

also you mention that she is potentially using me:
lets first assume that she hasnt cheated on me , just maybe thought about it a bit. when i have insinuated her using me, she replies: she cleans the house, cooks the meals, does the shopping (we split the bill). why am i so ungrateful and what do i do?
in fact she got daily shoulder or foot massages from me . i also had to , often spend the whole evening listening to her vent about her work colleagues,or family, often while she drank a whole bottle of wine and carried on and on.(often at least 3 times week.i would drive her wherever she wanted to go. i was there for her whenever she needed me and would even go and visit her aunt with her and lsiten to their conversation while they smoked and drank late into the night. i introduced her to all my friends and they made lots of effort to be friends with her.
she would be friends to their face but often would tell me that she is too intellectual for them.for her thirtieth birthday a booked the most expensive restaurant in the city and she turned up at home at 22h00 from visiting her aunt (as she said she missed her mother) . her aunt later confirmed this.

in reply to her cleaning the house, she is obsessive with cleaning and would be so even if i wasnt here. as for cooking she would cook maybe once a week, act like it was a masterpiece and i would say how much i appreciate it. then once finished she would ask me again did i enjoy it. i would say yes i did thanks, and alway she woudl get angry that i didnt praise her more. she hardly ate due to her urticaria so it was ‘all done for me’. anyway hope this gives you more of a picture. thanks for bothering to read this, i am really hurting and it helps to have your opinion , no matter what it is…!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I gave you my opinion and my advice. If you want it — it’s there for the taking! 😉

[dundee]

dont be so arrogant. i was giving you more info as the last bit may have been a bit biased. i will apply what you have advised but will have to wieigh up your comments with the whole picture. surely if u are genuinely interested you could take the trouble to read and comment everything.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure why you think I’m being arrogant. 😯 This is a free service that I’m offering, and I was happy to give you my free advice. I read everything you wrote and I commented. I hope you get what you’re looking for! 🙂

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