You’re not an idiot, but you do have low self esteem. That’s the only way you’d settle for being (at least) the second guy in this woman’s life.
Sorry, but it just doesn’t add up that this woman who is not married to her boyfriend and who has no children with him or anyone else, and who has a good job with a decent salary, would stay with her boyfriend if she really feels so strongly about you. The nonsense about her telling you she’s not having sex with her boyfriend and sleeps in a separate bed from him is laughable. Sorry. But that’s usually what guys tell women they’re cheating with — that the wife is frigid and they don’t sleep together. Guaranteed she sleeps with him and they have sex.
If she felt strongly about you, she’d move out. She could move in with relatives, get a roommate situation or find a cheap place to live. $28,000 a year is not nothing, and it is possible to get a place to live on on that annual salary. Lots of people do. It’s not going to be luxurious or plush, but at least it will be honest.
You’re fooling yourself by calling her your “closest friend.” Real friends don’t treat each other the way she’s treating you — like second best.
My advice to you is to tell her you’re breaking up until she moves out of her boyfriend’s home and breaks up with him, and just see how fast that happens! (Hint: You’ll be able to take a very long nap. It’s not going to happen.)
My concern is that you’re not the only one she’s cheating with.
But most importantly, why would you devalue yourself so much you don’t insist on being the only man in a woman’s life? That’s really the most important question and the crux of this whole situation.
Until you are able to consider yourself worthwhile of a woman who will commit her whole self to you, you’re going to end up as second, third and fourth best to women. So man up, and get your act together. This relationship is going nowhere good. It’s time for you to move on.
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