[Anonymous]

I was hoping to get some advice on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year, and have been living together for a while now. He’s always been flirtatious, always had a lot of female friends, and has always been a “texter.” He even warned me about this before we got into this relationship, and asked if I could handle it. I told him I could. A few months ago, he got a phone number in a dance club. She asked him if he was in a relationship, and he told her that he was. She was also in a relationship. Ever since, she’s been texting him asking him for relationship advice. She also calls quite a bit. My boyfriend will talk to her in front of me. It’s not like he’s hiding the fact that he talks to her.

Last weekend he went to a party and the next day I found an ATM receipt on our coffee table. He bought a pack of condoms (we don’t use them). I checked the time on the receipt, and there is no way he could have had time to have sex with someone and then drive home (it was a 20 minute drive from where the condoms were purchased, and the condoms were purchased approx 40 minutes before he got home). This girl lives in the same area the condoms were purchased. I questioned him about this. He said he dropped a male friend off at home, and the friend asked if he’d buy the condoms for him because he had no money on him. He swore up and down that they weren’t his, and said that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave the receipt on the coffee table if they were his. He explained this very calmly.

OK, so a few days ago I decided to check his text messages. I’ve never done that, but the condom thing was really bothering me and I wanted to see if I had a legit reason to be concerned. Everything looked OK, except for one suspicious text to her that said, “good morning princess.” She responded, “hey boo.” There weren’t too many texts after that; what I saw was just small talk. Nothing else to be suspicious about. I questioned him about that, and he said he always calls her that. He said in his culture (he’s jamaican), people are very flirtatious and a lot of his female friends say things like, “hey hubby” or whatnot when they see him.

He tells me that he would never do anything to lose me, that I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had, and that he wants to marry me in the future. On the other hand, he sometimes gets angry when I keep questioning him about this girl. Sometimes he’s very open and up front about their conversations, and other times he gets mad when i ask him things. Is he being defensive because there’s something going on, or is he just getting angry and fed up with my constant questioning and insecurities?

[Ask April Masini]

While I can’t tell you if he’s cheating or not, I [b]don’t[/b] think you’re acting insecure. I think your boyfriend has given you reason to be uncertain about his loyalty to you.

The bottom line is that if he thinks you’re all that, then he would do anything to keep you happy, and if not texting “Princess” would make you happy, I would think it would be a small sacrifice to make for a woman he says he wants to marry. If he can’t stop texting other women to show his loyalty to you, well, then, my guess based on what you’ve told me, is that he’s playing you. The guy’s a player. 🙄

It’s very difficult for you to be in the situation you’re in because you don’t trust him. If you keep bothering him about his possible infidelities, you’re going to create a bad dynamic in the relationship because you’re going to become a nag, not a loving and supportive girlfriend. You’re already seeing some of the results of that.

In my book, Think & Date Like A Man, I tell readers that there are certain ways you can tell that a man is serious about you. One of the specific ways you can tell if your boyfriend is serious about you is that he starts acting like a couple with you. Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t fit that mold. If he’s living with you, and you’ve been together for over a year now, but he’s still texting other women, picking up phone numbers from women in clubs, calling these female ‘friends’ “Princess,” going to parties without you, as well as buying condoms — for anyone, doesn’t fit the mold of a man who is serious about you.

So, while I really can’t tell you if he’s cheating, I can tell you he’s not acting like a man who wants a future with you — and you alone! 😕

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