[ifyouthinkso]

I don’t really have a good outlet to express my feelings or ask a lot of question with the friends I have. They’re good friends, but sometimes I feel like I bug them with my issues so I keep silent. I apologize in advance for a long post, but I just need to really explain the situation as best I can to get the best advice. I’m aware that I over analyze everything, and I’m trying to improve that aspect about myself. It just seems like small things make my mind wander. I’m a 21 nearly 22 year old female.

Any who, back in early June 2010, I was on a dating site and I came across a profile of a very attractive guy. Actually, I felt like he was somewhat out of my league. He’s 26, gorgeous and seemed like a great guy…but I was sort of seeing someone/on the verge of possibly breaking up…so I just rated his profile 5 stars and moved on. The next day, I noticed that he rated mine 5 as well. I felt flattered, but again, I just forgot about it. Later that month he messages me and admits that he feels silly for messaging me so late, but that he wanted to chat etc.

We get along great and send messages back and forth maybe every other day. Sometimes just once a week. I then meet someone else in July and have two amazing dates before we just mutually agreed to move on. He had just gotten out of a four year relationship and I didn’t think it would be a good situation to get myself into. Hard to let go, but happy that it ended amicably.

It’s now mid July and he messages me and asks how my 4th went. Mine went lousy and apparently his was as well. I finally just sort of give in and I begin to be even more flirtatious. I felt so free and happy. I also felt stupid for blowing him off for so long. We finally exchange instant messaging contacts and that’s when we are in even greater contact. I made it a point to not sign on everyday or to be on all day long. I suppose to wanted to just keep it short and remain interested but not appear desperate. The last thing I wanted to do is to appear clingy. One Saturday night, my plans fell through. Part of me wanted to ask him out for a drink, but opted to just stay home and watch a movie. I signed onto messenger just in case he wanted to say hi or something. He was out at a bar with a few friends who flew in from out of town and was signed onto messenger thru his phone. We chatted all night and even tells his two curious friends a bit about me. He said I should’ve contacted him as soon as my plans fell through so that I could’ve hung out with him and his friends. Very sweet gesture. He then said that we should hang out soon and asked if Monday would work for me. I accepted his offer and it turned out to be an amazing date. At the end of the night, my face hurt so much from smiling. He had some time before his train came, so we texted eachother and he told me how awesome his day was and that he knew we would get along so well. We had a lot in common and very a very similar sense of humor, so of course I felt the same way.

Now, he only moved into town in January he was still getting accustomed to his new job. I knew he was busy, but we always kept in contact. We didn’t get to meet up until a month later. Normally, this would’ve turned me off and I would’ve moved on. But I think the communication that we had made me okay with it. Had another amazing date. We held hands and flirted. He even apologized for being so unavailable. I insisted on paying for dinner this time since he did the last time. He told me that not many women in the past even offered to pay for dinner, so he was very thankful. We talked about other experiences he had on the dating site and he mentioned the three dates he had prior to me were absolutely terrible. He decided to message me one last time before he ditched the site entirely. I’m really, really happy that he did.

Work got even busier for him, but again, we kept in contact constantly. Even if it was just a “hows your day coming along?”. I should also mention that he lives outside of the city, so he has to commute to work by commuter train. The operating hours are odd, so he always has to make sure he’s at the station by ten. This also worked in my favor, I wanted to keep things light and take things slowly. I’ve been in situations in where the relationship progressed too quickly in the sex department…so this was a nice change of pace.

I guess another thing I should mention is that he had picked up a weekend gig. So that’s why hanging out during the weekends wasn’t easy. At one point, he even mentioned that he wanted to quit in order to be able to see me more. I thought it was sweet and all, but I knew that this gig may help him in the future. So I tell him to hang in there a bit longer until the gig is done (he only had a month left). The next time we meet was for a quick dinner. He even texted me earlier in the day just to tell me how excited he was about seeing me later. I took off work that night so I didn’t have to rush back home. He was working on only an hour of sleep because he worked the night before until 3am. We had spoken two days before about possibly spending the night together. However, we miscommunicated so I didn’t end up going home with him that Thursday night. I felt bummed, but he promised me that he would pick me up after his gig on Friday and we could get a drink together in his part of town. Now, knowing that at this rate I was seeing him about once a month I told him not to stress himself out and that he should know that work is important. He told me he genuinely liked me and I told him I liked him as well. Kissed me goodbye and promised me again about tomorrow night. We were both drinking heavily that night, so I guess in a way I felt flattered that he didn’t take advantage and just take me home.

I sort of keep my hopes low all day and just continue with my day. I finally hear from him around 9pm and he tells me hes off work and to get my butt over to him. (we agreed to meet at the place he was working that night and he would drive me the rest of the way to his town). It’s now about 10pm and I’m super stoked about the night ahead. We never spent the weekend just hanging out, so it was a nice. He then told me that he quit his night gig and that he felt better for it. Of course I didn’t say that he shouldn’t have, I just tell him that it was probably a good idea since now he could focus more on his career and not feel so stressed about the 2nd less important job.

We get to his place and we agree on going to a bar. It’s a very small town (I’m a city girl), so it’s different, but it was a pretty fun and cute town. He mentions that the bar we’re going to was one of the few bars in town, so I may get the chance to meet his cousins. I guess his willingness to introduce me to part of his family felt nice. His cousins weren’t there, but he had a great night anyway. It was so crowded, but we were both so close to each other and it felt like it was just the two of us at the bar the entire night. The conversation flowed easily and we were both touchy feely like we always have been. We were on cloud 9. We get back home and have really good sex. At that point, I hadn’t had sex with anyone in nearly 4 months. He wasn’t a selfish person and it all just felt right. We spent the next morning sleeping in more than we should have. He [i]did [/i]need to run into his office downtown to finish up some last minute things so that Monday wasn’t total hell. We wake up and everything is still fine and dandy, flirty etc. I offer to buy him lunch before we head off into the city. Again, he’s flattered and thanks me. He says that next time we’ll go to an even better bar further up town.

The drive back was hellish as traffic was crazy. But, we spent the time just chatting and talking about music etc. We finally reach the city to his place of work. I needed to grab a subway ride back home, so we kissed and parted ways. I was on such a high from such a great night. He texted me while I was on my way home and I thanked him.

He’s told me many times before that October is the last super busy month and in so many words, he said that he’ll be “all mine after that”. The following week around Thursday I asked if he was free. There was a festival that I was interested in going to, but sadly, he had an even busier weekend ahead of him. He said that the following weekend he should be free and to keep my weekend open. I continue on with my weekend and had a great time with my family.

So, next Wednesday I text him like I always do. Just asking how his week was going etc. I didnt’ ask him out at that point. I didn’t get a text back for a while, totally normal. He’s busy so I don’t wait around for his text, but I always get a text at least an hour later. I then realize that my phone totally crapped out for five hours. I wasn’t able to receive any calls or texts. So it then hit me that he probably didn’t even get my text. I text him again, explaining what happened and told him that I was just saying hi. I went to the gym and just forgot about it. I don’t hear anything back that night or the next morning, fine. Since the weekend was quickly approaching, I text him again asking if he’s free this weekend.

No text back. The weekend passes by and I keep busy and try to keep my mind busy as well. But I’ll admit, I was really sad. I slept in longer in hopes of my weekend just passing by quicker. It didnt’t help that it was that time of the month. Super stressful on my body and I find my mind cant focus and I think irrationally at times. I kept thinking “did I come off too strong? Maybe I said something wrong.” But my mind would say “no, you didn’t say anything wrong, you just asked him how he was and asked him out like normal.” He did mention that he was going to visit some friends down in FL in October, but I don’t know when. Hell, it could’ve been this weekend. I just don’t know. I promised myself I wouldn’t text him for a while. My heart is saying I should text him to see if hes/everythings okay. But I dont’ want to appear desperate and worrisome. There was one other time in which I didn’t get a text back and I asked him if he was alright, he apologized and said that work was so stressful and busy etc. But that was months ago and we had those dates since then.

I know that was a lot to read, but I guess my question is…what now? Is the ball in his court? Should I wait until he texts me or should I text him at some point this week? If so, what should I say? I like this guy a whole lot and I feel something there already. It’s important to me that I don’t just throw myself at this guy since we aren’t exactly official. I don’t want to ruin what we may have. I’ve been clingy to guys in my past when I was younger, and I don’t want to be that way again

I appreciate any help. Typing this has helped a lot, but I guess I need some final assistance.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, I want you to get and read my book called Think & Date Like A Man, that I’ve written for women who want to find, get — AND KEEP Mr. Right. You can buy it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble websites or right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book is going to help you a lot.

One of the mistakes you’re making is that you’re chasing him. This is a big DON’T in my book. The reality is that men want to do the chasing. It makes them feel good. You’re not doing him a favor by texting him and asking him out — you’re taking away his opportunity to be the man in the relationship and to do what he likes doing.

I think you know this already because you’ve mentioned that you don’t want to appear desperate, and you’re asking if you should text him again and ask him out again — and deep down you know what I’m going to tell you: NO!!

Yes, the ball’s in his court. Read the book and see if he is in touch with you again after his busy month of October.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes and what you learn from the book. And follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter as well as on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

April,
Thank you so much for the helpful advice. It was simple and very straightforward advice. I don’t feel so confident anymore. Part of me is saying “he’s already gone and you know it” and playing the waiting game will be extremely difficult. I also wanted to add that he has asked me out before. Twice, actually. I don’t know if that makes a difference, but I just didn’t want it to seem that I was constantly demanding a date every week.

I just know the next few things will upset you, but I need to ask anyway.
Why would a simple text asking if hes alright be that harmful? (a text and nothing more after that unless he initiates it)
Maybe something like “I hope all is well with you. get in touch when you get the chance”
What about a phone call? We don’t really talk on the phone, so it’s a bit out of my comfort zone to do so. But it seems more direct, but maybe thats needed?

I guess I’m asking because I want to know now and not later. Mostly because I’m impatient and doubting myself up and down already. There’s less than two weeks left in October, but that seems like a long time for me since it’s been a week already.

Thanks for any help. I don’t want you to think I’m not taking your advice! I really appreciate any that you offer

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your questions don’t upset me, but I’ve already told you that you’ll benefit from reading Think & Date Like A Man. The answers to everything you’re asking are in that book. You can buy it on Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble or right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

I don’t mind giving you free advice, but buying my books helps support this free advice, and I only recommend you buy one when I know it’s going to help, so I really wish you’d buy this one.

It sounds like your underlying problem is that you don’t want to accept reality. I know you say you’re impatient and doubting yourself, but there is really nothing to be impatient about or to doubt. What you don’t like is not having things your way. You want him to contact you, and you can’t make him. Texting him is a mistake. It will make you look more desperate and take away his opportunity to show you how he feels about you — if you read the book I’ve recommended, you’ll understand further how to set yourself up for NEXT TIME so you don’t find yourself in this position.

I hope this helps. And I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom as well as Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[ifyouthinkso]

Hi April,
Just posting a small update. I signed onto messenger to talk to some friends, and he was online. He messaged me first, so we chatted. Oddly enough, we chatted like usual. He did most of the talking. He brought up that he was stuck at work and has been getting out super late. I feel a bit relieved…but I’m not celebrating just yet. I made it a point to not ask him out. I also didn’t want to be confrontational and ask him what the hell was up. I’ll save that for a face to face contact if it ever happens.

Because he was still at work, we only chatted for ten minutes before he had to get back. He said he would talk to me later. I’ll for sure be waiting for him to make that move.

I’ll be buying your book and sharing it with a friend.

Did I do the right thing?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You didn’t do the right thing just yet, but as soon as you read Think & Date Like A Man, you will have. Here’s the link to get it (sharing it with a friend is an excellent idea!):[url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]

Let me know what you think of it as it pertains to your situation.

[Member]

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