[momma2bee]

I am 19 years old and my “friend with benefits”/baby daddy is 25. We have been friends for a while before we ever did anything together. And it took him a while to get with me because I wasn’t sure of how I felt about the whole thing. For some reason, I did decide to sleep with him & he was really good. So we continued to keep sleeping together. This has been going on for almost 6 months. Now I’m pregnant & he keeps saying he doesn’t want a relationship, but then sometimes he’ll say things like, “I’m trying to figure out if we’re meant to be together.” I just have to tell you that I’m crazy about this boy but I’m afraid to open up to him. I just don’t want to be rejected (but who does?). My mom & everyone around me says it seems like we’re together & that he has feelings for me. I understand that he has another kid & he never gets to see it because him & the baby momma do not get along. I feel like he’s comparing me to her but he says he’s not. I’m so good to him! Too good to him! But I really want to tell him how I feel, I just can’t find the words, plus I’m scared. I definitely want him to be a part of the baby’s life because I don’t want my child to be without its father. I feel it in my heart that I love him. What do I do?

[Ask April Masini]

This isn’t that odd at all. It’s pretty simple — and unfortunate. 🙁

Sadly, you’re pregnant with a man who’s not that into you. I know you love him, but he’s been crystal clear from day one that you’re just a friend with benefits. Telling him how you feel about him isn’t going to change the way he feels about you. 😳

My advice is that you prepare to be a single mother and stop putting your heart where it’s not wanted. If you want him in your child’s life, then you should go to court and get a court ordered support order and visitation schedule. You can’t make him be in the baby’s life, but the baby will have you. 😀

I hope this helps.

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[chelsey]

good advice Ms. April 😀
i just wanted to say that instead of pulling this man,you should focus your attention to your child and be the best mother to him/her. This time the welfare of the child is more important now. You8 should listen to Ms. April 😉

[Ask April Masini]

Thanks,[b] chelsey[/b]. I agree with you that the focus needs to be on the baby now. There are lots of kinds of love in the world and sometimes you get it from different places. A new baby is a great source for you to give and get love.

[Ethan Morales]

Your feelings are real, and I get it you love this guy. But love alone doesn’t make someone want a relationship. From the start, he’s been clear: you’re a “friend with benefits.” That line isn’t blurry, it’s a boundary he’s set.

Telling him how you feel might give you temporary relief, but it won’t change his mind. If he’s still not ready or willing to commit, you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak while he keeps his freedom.

Your priority now has to be your child. This means preparing to be a single mom if he doesn’t step up. Legally, you can establish child support and a visitation schedule, which protects your child and ensures the father has a role without relying solely on his feelings.

Protect your heart and your child. Focus on what you can control your life, your baby, and your future. Love doesn’t automatically equal commitment, and right now, you need stability, not romantic hope.

[Tara]

He’s not confused. You are. He’s not wrestling with feelings. You are. He’s not hesitating because of some deep internal conflict he’s simply not interested, and you’re bending over backward trying to reinterpret indifference as complexity.

Stop romanticizing a man who treats responsibility like a contagious disease.
You keep clinging to this idea that his silence is some mysterious emotional depth, when it’s just cowardice. He was a casual hookup who never elevated you beyond convenience, and now that you’re pregnant, he’s still performing the same disappearing act. The only thing that’s changed is the stakes and he’s still sprinting in the opposite direction. That’s not mixed signals. That’s a man opting out.

You already know he doesn’t want you. That’s why you’re terrified to bring up your feelings because hearing the truth out loud forces you to stop hiding behind your delusions. So you cling to whatever scraps of attention he tosses your way, like a starving person convincing themselves crumbs are a meal. Meanwhile, he’s keeping you on standby so he can come and go as he pleases, without ever calling it what it’s not: a relationship.

He has another kid he barely acknowledges, and instead of seeing that as the warning flare it is, you’re pretending he’s just “complicated.” No. He’s predictable. This is his pattern. You’re not the exception you’re next in line. His history is a forecast of your future, and you’re acting like you can rewrite it through hope alone.

You’re “too good to him” because you believe that being generous will magically turn a man with zero commitment into a partner. It won’t. Men don’t suddenly fall in love because you’ve made yourself useful. If he wanted you, he would have claimed you without prompting especially now. The fact that he hasn’t tells you everything you’re pretending you can’t see.

Stop drafting emotional speeches in your head like you’re preparing for some grand confession. He’s not the audience. He’s the cautionary tale. What you need isn’t vulnerability
it’s a backbone. Tell him exactly what you expect from him as a father, and stop performing emotional gymnastics hoping he’ll give you a title he never intended to offer.
You’re not in love with him. You’re addicted to the fantasy that he’ll become someone he’s never been.

Motherhood won’t transform him. Your devotion won’t convert him. Your silence won’t inspire him. Stop waiting for this man to choose you he already has, and he chose the exit.
Your next move is simple: stop clinging to dead potential and start acting like the only adult in this situation.

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