[Melissa]

If age matters for the advice, I am 29 and he is 35.

In the beginning my boyfriend and I were just being physical and he kept telling me “this is not a relationship” He had also told me at the time that he was still in love with his ex. A few months went by where he said we were seeing each other. Due to both of us having financial issues as well as stresses in our separate apartments, we decided to move in together. In the beginning of that, he kept telling people we were seeing each other “because we share the same bed”. Now abouts he finally has been telling people I’m his girlfriend and vice versa. Along with this, when his birthday previously came along last month, I heard him answer a call from his ex. It was short since we were on our way out the door when the phone rang. I asked him about it, and he said “if that makes you uncomfortable, I want you to know that she means nothing to me now.”

Anyways, since we’ve been living together for the last 4 mo, any occasional time he’s had to work (he’s a freelancer) or goes out for the afternoon with friends, I ask him if he’ll be home for dinner. Sometimes he wouldn’t, and I’m fine with that-if he lets me know. I don’t cook very much… and recently he’s started to get annoyed when I ask him if he’ll be home for dinner. With his jobs he often doesn’t know if I ask him in the morning. If I text him early evening when he’s often then hanging out with a buddy, he says he feels he has an obligation to come home by a certain time so he can feed me since he doesn’t think I can feed myself (which I keep correcting him on since I survived on my own for a year previously).

The main reason I ask is since I enjoy eating dinner with him and it seems that’s the only time we spend together. Yet he says we spend too much time together. Sure he has been home for awhile recently without any jobs for the past month or so, and me as well, but besides dinnertime and occasional lunchtime, him and I are glued to our computers in separate rooms.

When we discuss it he just states that he feels like he has the obligation to come home if I ask, as well as he’d reply “I don’t know” from now on. Then he changes the topic quickly,bringing up other things that I’ve gotten on his case about (like his smoking) and says not to judge since that’s just the way he is.

Overall, do we spend too much time together?

It seems like he’s not even willing to make an agreement of any sort. “That’s just the way he is”. He even said the other day “maybe I’m not a relationship kind if guy.” We have a one year lease to this apartment. I’m stuck with him, “The L word” hasn’t been mentioned yet- just that he “really cares about me”, and I don’t want to lose him by even trying to weasel out of the lease. 🙁

Thanks April.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem isn’t that you’re spending too much or too little time together. The problem is you’ve made some big relationship mistakes, and now you don’t like the outcome. 😕

Sleeping with a man who tells you he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend and expecting a relationship from him was a mistake. When a man sleeps with you and clearly tells you that the two of you don’t have a relationship and that he’s love with someone else, it’s time for you to move on. But instead, you moved in! 😮

Your reasons for moving in were bad ones. If you’re having financial issues and need a roommate to split the rent, get a garden variety roommate — don’t move in with the guy you’re dating for only a few months who loves someone else! 😯

My advice is that you move out of this apartment so you have some clarity in your life. You want this guy to be more than he wants to be, and you’re turning into a nag he doesn’t want to have. If you don’t move on with YOUR life, expect him to start cheating on you — which I know is going to be a situation you don’t want.

And QUICKLY get Think & Date Like A Man, so you can read it and understand what to do when dating if you want to keep the guy you get! Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also get it at the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon.

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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