[Lune David]

Reading all this felt like watching someone hang on to a relationship that’s already slipping through their fingers. I’m a guy, and even I can see he checked out long before Christmas. When someone goes silent for weeks, ignores calls, avoids plans, and only pops up when money is mentioned… that’s not love — that’s avoidance. And it hurts more because you keep holding on to who he was, not who he’s acting like now.

And this push-pull you’re getting from him? That’s classic panic + guilt. He doesn’t want to fully let go, but he also doesn’t want to actually show up for you. So you keep getting mixed signals while he buys more time.

Honestly, showing up at his hotel or cornering him when you get back isn’t going to give you real closure — just more disappointment. If he wanted to “man up,” he already would have. New Year’s Eve or not, someone who wants you doesn’t disappear for a month and then suddenly remember he “still wants this.”

As for the other guy… don’t jump into anything just because the silence hurts. Take the hint the holidays are giving you: breathe, regroup, stop chasing someone who’s running the opposite way.

AskApril is right — you’re not confused. You’re just hoping he’ll turn back into the guy he was. But everything he’s doing right now is the truth.

[Lune David]

This whole story is a masterclass in mixed signals and emotional cardio.

He says “I love you,” disappears like a magician, reappears only when money is mentioned, then drops a casual “Yes I still want this” with zero effort to prove it. Sir… WHAT? 💀
April said it best without sugarcoating it: confusion isn’t confusion, it’s disappointment wearing makeup.

And the age gap + divorce + long distance + ghosting combo? That’s not a relationship, that’s a stress subscription no one asked for.

As for the army guy sliding in with “maybe a kiss instead 🙂” — he’s clearly auditioning for rebound season. Respectfully… don’t book a $500 flight just because someone texts cute emojis at Christmas.

If a man wants you, he shows up.
If he wants “space,” he takes it — without asking your permission.

AskApril didn’t give comfort, she gave clarity.
And clarity hurts… but it hurts way less than chasing someone who keeps you on read.

[Natalie Noah]

Why you’re feeling so confused! there’s a lot of back-and-forth, mixed signals, and emotional intensity packed into a very short time. From what you’ve shared, it’s clear that your boyfriend initially wanted a commitment but then pulled back when faced with the reality of it. This is actually a very common pattern: someone rushes into a relationship based on excitement or idealized feelings, and then when real-life logistics, responsibilities, or emotional closeness hit, they become hesitant or retreat. His silence and avoidance, even after saying “I love you,” is a big red flag it suggests that, for whatever reason, he’s not fully capable of showing up consistently in the relationship right now.

The dynamic with the other guy also complicates things. He’s clearly interested and available, and the idea of a long-distance relationship could be tempting because he’s showing attention when your current boyfriend isn’t. But the concern isn’t just logistics; it’s about your emotional state and intentions. Jumping into a relationship just because it’s convenient or because you’re scared of being alone is risky. You want someone who aligns with your lifestyle and long-term goals someone who fits not only your heart but your life. Otherwise, you risk starting a connection that isn’t sustainable or fulfilling.

What stands out most in your story is the theme of mixed messages and lack of clear communication. Your boyfriend’s inconsistent behavior saying he wants to date, then disappearing, then texting after a long pause creates uncertainty and stress. You’re right to want clarity, but at the same time, repeatedly chasing someone for it can be draining and counterproductive. At some point, the responsibility is on him to demonstrate through actions, not just words, that he wants the relationship. You’ve already invested your trust and energy, and it’s important to protect that, emotionally.

It’s also clear that your lifestyle and values matter a lot to you. Your love for horses, farming, and country living is central to who you are. This means that dating isn’t just about companionship; it’s about compatibility in everyday life, long-term goals, and mutual understanding. Anyone you bring into your life needs to respect and embrace those parts of you. That’s why it’s crucial to evaluate potential partners not just for immediate chemistry or convenience, but for long-term alignment. A man who disappears, hesitates, or isn’t ready for the commitment you want may not be the right match, even if your heart is attached.

Clarity, boundaries, and self-respect are key here. You deserve someone who is consistent, communicative, and genuinely ready to be with you. Mixed signals are exhausting and should not be ignored. Take stock of what you want in a relationship not just in the short term, but for the life you envision and use that as your guide. If your current boyfriend is unable to provide the stability and commitment you need, it’s better to step back and allow yourself the space to make thoughtful choices about who can truly be by your side, rather than trying to force clarity from someone who isn’t fully present.

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