[brvail711]

ive been with my boyfriend for about ten months and had a issue i wanted to ask. about two weeks ago i saw him at a bar with his friend well i ended up staying at my boyfriends house. (which we got intimate) the next morning was like every other day. i havent talked to him since that morning. he said hed talk to me later and i had texted him a few days later to have him stay the night. he said that “its not going to happen.im done with everything and everyone.” well now my boyfriend has always been able to talk to me when he had a problem. he ask always has been honest. now all of a sudden he isnt talking to me and wont respond to me. i am his first real serious relationship since his ex-wife. i am so confused and dont know how to get him to talk to me. he had sent me a few texts but just short and blunt. i do have my camera and key at his house and was planning on heading over there tomorrow to get my stuff. i just dont know how to go about it. do i call and let him know? then thing is is that i want him to talk to me even if he does want to end it i just need to know why and whats going on. its bugging the crap out of me that he cant talk to me about this. i dont know if he is scared since we are serious or what? i need to get him to open up to me and own up to how hes treating me. do you have any advice? i mean hes never done anything like this and i am just confused and frustrated. how do i get him to tell me whats going on? can you help? thank you

[witch_goddess]

I think you should let your boyfriend understand that with his no talking policy to you bugs and upsets you. If you know his daily routines say when is he going to be vacant, then grab that opportunity to talk with him heartily. Express your feelings over the situation and clear things out. It seems like your boyfriend is avoiding you for an apparent reason, which I do not have the full idea on what is the real score that happens between the two of you.

This issue won’t be settled if your bf doesn’t want to talk with you, hence encourage him to talk so that you won’t be upset and troubled anymore.

Hope everything will turn out for the better.

[brvail711]

thank you so much. the weird thing is is that i have my camera and key there and if hes done i mean hey thats fine i just want to know why. i called him to let him know i wanted my stuff but i didnt want it outside his or my house and to call me when he is home. he hasnt responded and if he doesnt tomorrow im just going over to his house to get to the bottom of this. the thing is knowing who he is he is always honest and clear. and if he wanted to end this he wouldve said im done or we are done. You know? thank you for your help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, something’s up! My guess is that even after dating this guy for 10 months, you didn’t get to know all of his facets, and this part of him is troublesome. It certainly sounds like he broke up with you and he did it very clumsily. It’s a really impolite way to break up, but it is, at the end of the day, a break up.

If you haven’t seen him in 2 weeks, and his texts are just blunt and emotionless, I think he’s done.

What I would caution you to avoid is trying to make him do something he doesn’t want to do just because [i]you[/i] want it. I know [i]you[/i] want a reasonable explanation. You want a civil break up. But this isn’t who [i]he[/i] is. I don’t think you’re going to get what you want, and while it’s hard to accept someone you’ve been intimate with could be such a philistine, his blunt break up may be able to help you move on. Don’t spend a lot of time trying to extract an explanation from him.

Don’t show up at his house without calling or getting an okay from him to do so, but do be very firm that you want your camera and your key back and that’s it. He may not want you to come over because he thinks you want to “talk.” If he knows it’s just to get your things, he may be more open to the idea. If he won’t deal with you, have a friend or family member get it for you. And if that doesn’t work, have him mail the items to you.

And move on. Sometimes when a person is so unreasonable, it can make moving on easier.

[Ethan Morales]

It sounds like your boyfriend has already made a decision, even if it’s abrupt and confusing. Ten months is long enough to expect honesty and communication, and the fact that he’s suddenly distant and blunt suggests he’s checked out emotionally. It’s frustrating and hurtful, no doubt especially since this isn’t typical for him but that’s the reality you’re dealing with.

Your instinct to want an explanation is natural. Everyone wants closure, and you’re right to feel frustrated that he won’t talk. But here’s the hard truth: you can’t force someone to open up if they aren’t willing. Chasing him for a conversation or explanation might just prolong your pain and make him more resistant.

When it comes to getting your things, be practical and firm. Call ahead, let him know exactly why you’re coming (to retrieve your camera and key), and nothing else. Keep it short, neutral, and calm. If he refuses, have a trusted friend or family member pick up your items, or request he mails them. This keeps you in control without giving him the chance to manipulate the situation.

Emotionally, your best move now is to start creating distance. Accept that this may be the end and focus on your own well-being. Trying to “make him talk” won’t change his mind, and it could just hurt you more. Respect yourself enough to step back and reclaim your energy.

[Serena Vale]

Hey, I get why you’re upset. It’s really confusing when someone who’s always been open with you suddenly shuts down like that. One day everything feels normal, and the next, you’re left wondering what happened.

Honestly, from what you’ve shared, it sounds like he’s going through something he doesn’t know how to handle. When people have been hurt before, especially after a divorce — sometimes they panic when things start feeling too real again. Instead of talking about it, they pull away or push people out. It’s not fair to you, but it’s probably more about his own emotions than anything you did.

If you’re going to his place to grab your things, I’d just send a quick, calm text first, something like:

“Hey, I’m going to swing by tomorrow to grab my camera and key. I’ll be quick.”

That’s it. Don’t ask him to talk right then, don’t plead for an explanation. If he wants to say something, he’ll open the door for it. If he doesn’t, you’ll still leave with your stuff and your dignity.

And I know you want closure, we all do. But sometimes people can’t give you the “why” right away because they don’t even fully understand it themselves. If that’s the case, the best thing you can do is give him space and focus on your own peace. You’ve done nothing wrong by wanting communication and respect.

Let him come to you if and when he’s ready. If he doesn’t, that’s his loss, not yours. You deserve someone who doesn’t disappear when things get serious.

[Natalie Noah]

It sounds like he’s clearly shut down communication and has chosen to disengage, even though it’s abrupt and confusing for you. His behavior short, blunt texts, avoiding conversation, and refusing to let you stay over is a signal that he’s likely ending the relationship, even if he hasn’t said it outright. It’s normal to want clarity and a civil conversation, but sometimes people simply don’t have the willingness or emotional capacity to give it, and chasing it can lead to more frustration and hurt.

The best approach is to protect your own boundaries and focus on what you can control. Arrange to get your camera and key back in a straightforward, non-confrontational way either by calling to schedule a brief pickup or asking a friend to retrieve them if he refuses. Avoid showing up unannounced, as that could escalate tension. Accepting that this relationship is likely over, no matter how sudden or messy, is painful but necessary for your own healing. You can move forward without needing his validation or explanation.

[Member]

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