[Anonymous]

hi. I need some advice here. My bf.. well now i guess ex… and I have been going out for about 2.5 years. Im 19 almost 20, and he is 22. But yesterday we broke up. Last week he said that we should take a break as he was going home and i was going to visit relatives. So we decided not to communicate for a whole week. I noticed something wrong tho. He kept bringing up how he needs to be more happy in his life. So yesterday when the week was up he msg’d me saying that we needed to talk. I knew then he was going to break up with me.

The reason he gave me is something i don’t fully understand. He told me that it is because when he went home he learned some things happened. Some things close to home. and it added all this stress. He doesn’t deal with lots of stress well. He told me that with that, plus the stress of his job, plus the stress of me ( cause i tell him about my job problems and family problems ) that it is too much for right now and he just wants to be alone. He is getting depressed cause he moved here for school and wants to move back closer to home. And he said nothing really makes him happy but playing games and me. But i understand how i am one of the only things he can eliminate for right now. He cant quit his job, and the problems back home will take some time to fix, and him to get over.

Next year I am going to school around where his home is, and I know that he is going to move back there soon. I told him that if he wants to break up then i cant be talking to him till i am ready. And that might take a while. But he wishes we could just be friends and still talk like we do now. But i told him i couldn’t. He told me that there is a chance that this might be cleared up in a week, or maybe a month, he doesn’t know, but then he would probably come running back to me. and try to get my forgiveness. but then maybe not.

I guess the question would be should i wait? or try to move on? I really do believe that once this is cleared up he will try to come back. But i dont know how long that will take. And the part that bugs me about all of this is he said break up. not a break, but break up. I am seeing him sunday to get my stuff from his place. And cause i want him to say this to my face. Is there anything i should ask him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your points are very valid — if he thinks that he will solve his problems in a week or a month and will then want to get back together again, why not just take a break rather than break up? ❓ I suspect, however, that he just really isn’t sure and he doesn’t want to string you along if he’s not sure.

However, after dating for two and a half years, he should be sure if he wants to stay with you. That he isn’t sure is a strong sign that you need to move on rather than wait around for someone who is not ready for the serious relationship you are.

It sounds like you haven’t done anything wrong, but that he’s just not in a place in his life when he will be able to commit to anyone — including you. 😳 In fact he may be someone who is very fragile and delicate and doesn’t handle stress well across the board and this is the first time you’re learning If he breaks up with you then your allegiance has to be to you — not him and not the relationship since he’s dissolving that. So if he breaks up with you, I wouldn’t stay friendly with him to make him feel better. Let him miss you and know what it’s really like to be without you. If he changes his mind AND you’re still available when he’s ready, then you can decide if you want to date him if he asks. But for now, if he’s breaking up with you, make it a clean break.

I know this is hard in the short term, but it will be much easier for you in the long run if you do it this way. I know this hard for you, but you’re going to do the right thing — I can tell.

Please let me know how it goes — and join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member at AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

He said that he don’t want to just take a break cause it would be stringing me along. and that’s something he don’t wanna do cause he don’t know how long it will take. But he feels strongly that we will go out again, but when he is over and don’t with all of this. And he knows that i may not be there when that happens. I don’t want to date anyone right now, just take a break from guys, but would it be wise if he wants to get back together in say.. a month or 2, to go back with him? we had really good chemistry and his family love me and my family loved him.

And why am i so fine with this? usually i completely fall apart, cry, hate the guy… but this time… i just feel like i understand and i’m not mad or anything.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s hard to know how you’ll feel in two months from now so don’t worry about that at this moment. 🙂 Allow the break up to happen and if you want to be single, be single until you want to date again, and then you can date. You’re free and you can explore other relationships or dating the field or just being single and enjoying group social activities and time with friends and family. You have lots of options right now.

You’re probably not devastated because you know that what’s happening is the right thing for now. It really sounds that he is not ready for a relationship and you understand this and accept it. 😀 This understanding and acceptance is what allows you to live peacefully and move on. So, nice job. ❗

If in two months he changes his mind and you see change in his behavior that allows you to think he might be ready for a deeper commitment, you can decide at that time if you want to date him. But use this time to nurture yourself and think about what you had, what you want and what you need to live a happy, productive life that includes a romantic relationship in it.

I hope that helps. Please join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you there. Here’s that link:[url][/url].

[Member]

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