[kate211982]

Hello, I have been with my BF for a year now and we have a great bond and so very compatible. I have some self esteem issues and some insecurities. When I get upset I tend to say things I don’t mean. Well, we got into an argument and I called him a loser. He is the opposite of loser indeed. He took it to heart and he says he needs some time. He will be back next Tuesday to talk. What should I expect?

[Anonymous]

You should expect you will have to apologize and you should expect that you don’t know what to expect. You cannot control someone else’s feelings. If you sincerely apologize, that is all you can do. If he decides not to continue the relationship, well, that is outside of your control, and a life lesson. We rarely learn unless we’re forced to, and most life lessons are, unfortunately, painful. You know the expression: no pain, no gain?

Either way, you can resolve to get some help for yourself. Maybe you could talk to a counselor about what is contributing towards your issues. The better you understand what contributes towards your calling him a loser, the more likely that the scenario does not play out again in the future.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]Charla[/b] gave you great advice.

I’d add that you should work on self discipline and self awareness. Verbal barbs are painful and when you call your boyfriend a loser, you can expect he’s going to feel unappreciated at best and in the wrong relationship at worst. When you feel your temper flaring, be aware. Give yourself a time out so you can calm down before you flip out and say things you’ll feel badly about later! Not reacting is a discipline that you achieve with determination and practice.

In the meantime, an apology is a good place to start, and a discussion about what you’re going to try and do to improve yourself so you don’t hurt him like that again.

I hope that helps, and that you’ll join me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook: [url][/url].

[kate211982]

Thank you….I know I need help….Unfortunately, it took something like this to realize it. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Try the method of self discipline and awareness that I’ve suggested. I think that may be the help you need!

Hope to see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook: [url][/url]. 😀

[kate211982]

Well April……it’s been a total of 14 days since this argument happened and I spoke to him a week ago and he told me a few things, but he didn’t end it verbally. He told me one week ago that would be be back in 3-4 days “to talk.” He never showed. He said he would be a fool to get back into the relationship and that I really hurt him. He also said he needed “time.” I sent him some emails telling him I’m going to get some help and I realize why I called him a loser is because of my own insecurities. We were supposed to spend x-mas together, but here I sit, all alone.

From what you have seen, do some guys just leave and not verbally end it? Or, could this be his way out?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he had enough of your abuse and is making his way out.

My advice to you is to learn from this relationship and take your new knowledge and wisdom into a new relationship. I hope that you use this unfortunate situation to better yourself and your relationships.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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