[nothapplilyinlove]

I met my exboyfriend in 2003. We were together for several years. We were so much in love. He dumped me once for another girl but came back to me 2 weeks later. I wanted to marry him but at that time he wasn’t ready. Then he found a job in the States. I didn’t think long distance relationship would work for us cus I felt very insecure. So I started looking for other guys. I met my current husband while still with my ex, knowing that he would leave anyday soon to the States. I didn’t know what I was doing but dated both guys for a month until my ex found out.

He freaked out. He wanted me back. He proposed me and made lots of effort trying to win me back. I was very confused. I kept changing my mind. One day I would decide to be with my ex, and the next day I would go back to my current husband.

Finally, I decided to go back to my ex and we were supposed to get married. Then one day he told me that he still could not forgive me and suggest we should wait and see. After that, I got really mad and went back to my current husband. Although I was with my current husband I wasn’t happy cus I missed my ex. I got pregnant with my current husband by accident, then we decided to get married. Ever since then, I have become very miserable.

When I was 6 months pregnant my ex called me again and told me that he had forgiven me and wanted to marry. However, it was too late. I told him I was someone else’s wife. He became very sad and very determined that I am the one. It’s been over 2 years and he is still calling me and convicing me that he loves me and wants me back. He keeps promising me that once I go back to him he will make me the happiest woman.

Although my husband is a very nice guy who is very devoted and who loves me very much. I find it is very difficult to love him. We are so different. I am not interested in anything he says. I don’t really care about him. If not for my young daughter, I would have divoreced him so many times. It’s just right now I feel very insecure if I divorce him. I know it is very difficult to be a single mom. I dont wanna do that when my daughter is so young.

Even though one in a while I would miss my old days with my ex, I miss being so much in love. I just miss that feeling of loving someone. Sometimes I thought I may still love my ex, but I always get mixed feelings. Sometimes I don’t think I love either of them.

I really envy other people who are so madly in love, and who has a family with someone she really love. I dont know if I could find love anymore. Being married with a young daugher, there is no chance for me to meet other guys. I wanna love someone but so scared of leaving my husband because of the security. What should I do?
Any advice? I really wanna be happy again.

[PennyLane]

A very close friend of mine is going through something very similar to this. There’s no child in the equation for her so it’s easier, but she’s not sure if she’s still in love with her ex or not. This is the advice I gave her, and from what you’ve written about your ex, it sounds like it’ll really apply to you as well. If you are having doubts about your marriage, don’t take your ex into consideration. First just look at what you and your husband have. Is the problem that you just really don’t love your husband, or is the problem that you think you just love your ex more? If you imagine your situation without your ex involved and you still aren’t happy, then I would say you should maybe go to marriage counseling with him to try and talk things out for the sake or your daughter, or leave him. My parents got married because my mom got pregnant with me and I would much rather have grown up with two divorced parents that were happy then the way things were with them being miserable all the time and feeling like it was my fault. It’s not fair to you, your husband, or your daughter to have a loveless marriage in your home. However, if you try seeing someone about it together so that you can both try and work through things, that might help.

Now, if you imagine your situation without your ex and you feel better about your husband, then I wouldn’t leave him. The last thing you want to do is leave your husband and then get burned by this other guy again. Your ex only seems to be around when you have other plans or when his other plans don’t work out. He left you for another woman and when she wasn’t what he thought she’d be he went back to you. He was planning on leaving you for a job without trying to make a commitment then as soon as he found out you had someone else, that’s when he panicked and wanted to keep you around. If he really wanted to be with you he should have made those decisions before he felt replaceable, not just as a means of keeping you from going somewhere else. Marriage should be a bout love, not about keeping you under wraps.

What’s more is that after he wanted that commitment from you he then backed out of it. He seems like the typical “only wants what he can’t have” kind of guy. I know the two of you have a lot of history and you care very deeply for him, but he does not seem worth the sacrifice of ruining your family. If you think you can never be happy with your husband then you should not be with him, but don’t leave him for this other guy.

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.
😉

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.
😉

[horsegirl]

Hi. I dated someone for 6 years and we were madly in love and in sync with one another. I trusted everything he said, felt safest when with him, and loved every part of him. We never took breaks, never were unfaithful – just a true blue fairytale. One day, he talked about moving to where his family lives, across the country obviously in another state. We looked at houses and for jobs there together. One day, he said he was doing some serious job hunting there and would be back in 2 weeks. Well – he never came back. He broke up with me over the phone in fact. I was beyond shocked, depressed, confused. It’s been 3 years since him and I don’t think a SINGLE day goes by he doesn’t cross my mind. I still think the world of him. A part of me still loves him. I hear from him now and then, or I’ll text him randomly. We mostly reminisce, and laugh and smile about past times. We know we aren’t getting back together.
I have a boyfriend now of 1-1/2 years and we live together. He is a great guy and I admire a lot about him. I love him very much. I feel I can relate to you on some level. I agree with the post before mine – seems your ex only professes his love and want to be with you when you get engaged, married, have a baby. That is COMPLETELY disrespectful of him. If he truly cared about you – he WOULD NOT do that. A baby and a husband and he wants to muddle it up? That’s awful! If he cared, he’d want your family to work out, your daughter to be happy, your marriage to be forever. He missed his chance! In my opinion, you gave him a chance when you left your husband before and went back to him, then he put the brakes on and changed his mind more or less and made up some excuse why you two couldn’t be married. I think you, your husband, and your now family deserve better. I understand what it’s like to love the ex, to think about the good times. Trust me, I do. But this guy had his chance and knows he missed it. It’s not like you’re dating someone else – you’re actually married to them – bound together by God. I think it’s time you both moved on. Not trying to be harsh, just trying to help <3

[Ask April Masini]

Good advice!

[Natalie Noah]

Your heart is still carrying a lot of unresolved feelings for your ex, and that emotional attachment has complicated your ability to fully commit to your marriage. What stands out is that your ex seems to surface mostly at pivotal moments when you’re married or expecting a child offering promises and declarations of love. That pattern suggests he’s more focused on keeping a connection to you for his own emotional satisfaction than truly respecting your life and current family. It’s natural to miss the intense feelings of first love or the passion you once had, but longing for that intensity doesn’t necessarily mean returning to him will bring long-term happiness.

Your current husband, on the other hand, provides stability, love, and devotion, even if the passion or spark you feel for your ex isn’t mirrored in your marriage. The challenge isn’t necessarily your husband’s worth or love; it’s your own unresolved longing and the idealized version of your past with your ex. Acting on those feelings now, especially with a young daughter involved, could introduce instability and pain into all of your lives. It’s important to separate the fantasy of what could have been from the reality of what you have. Marriage, like any long-term relationship, often requires cultivating love over time, not relying solely on the initial rush of romantic passion.

The healthiest step is to focus on building contentment and connection within your current family while addressing the lingering emotions for your ex. Counseling, whether individually or as a couple, can provide a safe space to process these mixed emotions and help you clarify your priorities. Protecting your daughter’s emotional security and creating a life you can genuinely feel invested in is vital. Your ex has already had his chance, and the fact that he repeatedly shows up in your life now, without respecting your current commitments, signals that the healthiest move may be to let go of him emotionally, even if some part of you still feels nostalgic. True happiness won’t come from reclaiming the past but from investing fully in the life and family you’ve built.

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