[secretlyinnocent]

Alright. So I will lay it all flat. I get pregnant.. the just of it the guy wanted nothing to do with either of us. even after i forced dna. He still doesnt so he is out of the picture. I got married.. for support. I thought it was all I had left. I was young.. pregnant and alone. I did what I thought I had to do. I didnt love him, didnt even know what love was. But god I was so sure I was going to make it happen. Our marriage has been HELL. I catch him paying for porn online and having video chats.. with his penis in his hands.. I mean.. hes got 2 ex wives.. ( if that doesnt hurt enough) hes got a kid with each of them. this home I live in.. is what they built. its thier memories. Not to mention.. hes older than me and in the military. I feel like i havent got to grow with him. i feel like im missing out because.. I never got to feel what its like to have nothing and work your way up. he has handed everything to me. ) except happiness. seems like all we do is fight. he has cheated on me.. more than one time. and Its killed me. I cant become close to him. I dont feel like i have any feelings for him. hes very controlling. I cant workout without him accusing me of cheating! 🙁 each time we get into a fight.. he takes all the money from our bank.. to HIS bank. making me feel trapped. I think thats the whole point.
I recently met a guy.. Hes perfect. when i say perfect I mean for me. I cant even say how..he makes me feel. everything I never thought I could feel.. i feel. Not ONE thing about him I dont adore. I feel about him the same way I felt when I met my daughter. He brings out things in me I never knew I had. Like strength. I all the suddden want to step up and change my life around. I all the sudden want college, I want to work and be independent. And he supports everything! Hes amazing, it feels like i have this empty pit in my stomach when I dont speak to him. We actually met online.. just xbox live. hes Like my best friend honestly. we never even seen a picture of eachother. we just talk. I always offer him to see me and he says ” no I love this mystery beween us I could never care what you looked like. your perfect” I feel so complete talking to him. its been over 1 year now.. he knows I am married. Knows how I feel. wants me to do what I need to do in order to be happy.
I guess.. I just am scared to hurt my husband. I know I dont love him, but I am not a hearltess bitch. although he can be cold enough.. I am not. I want to leave because I know We are nothing to one another.
What should I do? Am I wrong about my xbox date?!? should I leave my husband?

[Badfinger]

[Cleaned this post up]

Alright. So I will lay it all flat. I get pregnant.. the just of it the guy wanted nothing to do with either of us. even after i forced dna.

He still doesnt so he is out of the picture. I got married.. for support. I thought it was all I had left.

I was young.. pregnant and alone. I did what I thought I had to do. I didnt love him, didnt even know what love was. But god I was so sure I was going to make it happen.

Our marriage has been HELL. I catch him paying for porn online and having video chats.. with his penis in his hands.. I mean.. hes got 2 ex wives.. ( if that doesnt hurt enough) hes got a kid with each of them. this home I live in.. is what they built. its thier memories.

Not to mention.. hes older than me and in the military. I feel like i havent got to grow with him. i feel like im missing out because..

I never got to feel what its like to have nothing and work your way up. he has handed everything to me. ) except happiness.

seems like all we do is fight. he has cheated on me.. more than one time. and Its killed me. I cant become close to him. I dont feel like i have any feelings for him. hes very controlling. I cant workout without him accusing me of cheating! 🙁 each time we get into a fight.. he takes all the money from our bank.. to HIS bank. making me feel trapped. I think thats the whole point.

I recently met a guy.. Hes perfect. when i say perfect I mean for me. I cant even say how..he makes me feel. everything I never thought I could feel.. i feel. Not ONE thing about him I dont adore. I feel about him the same way I felt when I met my daughter. He brings out things in me I never knew I had. Like strength.

I all the suddden want to step up and change my life around. I all the sudden want college, I want to work and be independent. And he supports everything! Hes amazing, it feels like i have this empty pit in my stomach when I dont speak to him.

We actually met online.. just xbox live.

hes Like my best friend honestly. we never even seen a picture of eachother. we just talk. I always offer him to see me and he says ” no I love this mystery beween us I could never care what you looked like. your perfect” I feel so complete talking to him. its been over 1 year now.. he knows I am married. Knows how I feel. wants me to do what I need to do in order to be happy.

I guess.. I just am scared to hurt my husband. I know I dont love him, but I am not a hearltess bitch. although he can be cold enough.. I am not. I want to leave because I know We are nothing to one another.
What should I do? Am I wrong about my xbox date?!? should I leave my husband?

[Badfinger]

You are wrong, you ARE a heartless bitch.

Read your own post, I got the impression you are stupid for various reasons.

Got married for support? The guy knows it and you wonder why your relationship with him is in the crapper?

You need kicked to the curb, he’s been too nice to you and made a huge mistake, his move to take the money is understandable, you come across as a gold digger and extremely flaky.

Serious relationship over X-Box live and don’t even have a picture? You making this stuff up?

WAKE UP CALL delivered.

Sorry to be so harsh, but seems warranted in this case, and I won’t be surprised if April deletes this.

Best of luck with the new man you are running off with… really looks like you should since you both have totally blown your marriage to bits and you need SUPPORT.

[secretlyinnocent]

Your opinion is more than welcome this is why i posted this, but you should know the facts.. He cheated on me. not once.. 3 times.! I have also caught him.. how am I supposed to be happy with that?? would you? He made me go into labor early.. he grabbed me and shoved me and my water broke.. when we get into a fight the FIRST thing he does is buy me gifts.. I DONT want his gifts. or his money. I wanna be happy. I could buy anything I want right now at this moment. but what I want cant be bought..you should really know more facts before you come off judging that harsh!

[Ask April Masini]

Stop blaming your husband. Blaming doesn’t help the fact that this marriage was over before it began. Instead, roll up your sleeves and fix this:

Get divorced. Get a job and child care. Find the father of your child and use the court system to order a DNA test and get child support and a custody order so that he can be in your daughter’s life. Her father is important to her. Set an example for your daughter by being the woman you want her to be.

Forget about this other guy. Any guy who wants to date a married woman isn’t right for you — in fact, don’t date anyone until you have a job, your own apartment, child care, child support and a custody arrangement with your daughter’s dad. You have a lot of responsibility and your own love life comes last in line to what your child needs.

You made mistakes and [b]badfinger’s [/b]remarks are important for you to hear because they are valid as those of another reader who is a man.

I hope this helps you with your choices. Let me know how it goes and if you need further advice. I truly wish you good luck.

[Badfinger]

Based on the initial post, both parties were wrong and if that was repairable, I’d be mighty surprised.
———-
Separation at the very least for a while, and think things through.

[Ask April Masini]

The focus needs to be on the child right now. When there’s a child involved, the dynamic needs to shift and the point of a relationship changes. I hope that [b]secretlyinnocent[/b] understands that.

[Ethan Morales]

What your husband did pushing you until your water broke, repeated cheating, controlling the money that’s abuse. Physical assault, emotional abuse, financial control: those aren’t relationship problems you “work out.” They’re red flags that mean you need safety and legal protection, not another apology or gift. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services. If not, make a quiet safety plan now.

Divorce is not a moral failing here it’s a survival move. April’s right on the logistics: get a lawyer or a free legal clinic, arrange childcare, secure a separate bank account if possible, and start the paperwork for custody and child support. If the biological father was confirmed absent and there’s doubt, get a DNA test through the courts if needed. Do not let fear of upheaval keep you trapped in abuse.

The “Xbox guy” I get why he feels like a refuge. He validates you, listens, and lights something up inside you. That’s powerful and real. But don’t substitute emotional escape for practical exit strategy. Dating someone online while you’re still married and dealing with abuse complicates things and can backfire. Protect your daughter and your legal position by getting your life in order before you pursue a new relationship.

Document everything. Dates, times, screenshots, photos of injuries, bank statements showing money transfers anything that proves patterns of abuse and financial control. Domestic violence shelters, legal aid offices, and many communities offer help confidentially. Use them. You don’t have to reinvent stability alone.

Get support a counselor who understands domestic abuse, a support group, and a trusted lawyer. Therapy isn’t about fixing him; it’s about giving you tools to heal, set boundaries, and build an independent life for you and your child. Practical resources + emotional support = power and options.

You deserve agency. You didn’t choose abuse; you chose to survive with what you had. Now you can choose differently. Leave for safety and stability first, sort out custody and finances second, and let love (in whatever form) come later when your life and your child’s life are secure. That’s not cold that’s protection, maturity, and strength. If you want, I can help you draft a checklist: immediate safety steps, documents to collect, and next calls to make. Which do you want first?

[Tara]

I’m not here to hold your hand. I’m here to tell you the thing you keep dodging. Your marriage is dead. Not wounded, not “struggling,” not “in a rough patch.” Dead. You married a man for survival, not love. He responded by treating you like property, not a partner.

Cheating, controlling the money, accusing you of things you’re not doing, that’s not a marriage, it’s captivity. Staying because you “don’t want to hurt him” is delusional. He’s not hurt. He’s in control. You’re the only one bleeding.

Now for the Xbox guy: stop romanticizing a fantasy. He might be wonderful, or he might be the world’s nicest mirage. You don’t even know what he looks like. You’re comparing a man who treats you like trash to a man who lives entirely in your imagination. Of course, the imaginary one feels perfect; he hasn’t had the chance to disappoint you yet. That doesn’t make him your future. It makes him your escape hatch.

[Sally]

Nothing about your marriage sounds loving or safe. When a man controls the money, cheats, and keeps you scared to breathe wrong that’s not a life, it’s survival. And staying because you don’t want to hurt him? That’s the kind heart in you talking, not the truth of the situation.

But the guy from Xbox slow down there. I’m not saying he’s bad. I’m just saying he feels like hope right now, and hope can make anybody look perfect. Don’t jump from one man to another. Get steady on your own feet first.

If you know the marriage is over, it’s okay to leave for you, not for someone waiting in the wings. You deserve a life that isn’t built on fear. Start there. The rest can come later, when you’re free and thinking clearly.

[Author]

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