[Anonymous]

I started “dating” a guy about four months ago. We have know each other professionally for approximately two years prior to this and I made the intial contact indicating my interest in getting to know him better. We became friends and began spending a lot of time together when we were not working. About one month after this, I asked as to what he wanted into the relationship. He indicated that he wanted to take things slowly because he was in a prior relationship which lasted seven years and had broken up approximately 2 years before and there were some issues he need to sort through. I accepted this and did not question as to what issues with the intention that we do take things slowly. We became very close after that phsycially as well. We acted and pretty much represented ourselves to colleagues and friends and family as a couple.

Approximately two weeks ago I was informed that his ex girl friend actively wanted to get back together with him. Since we had not spoken about the status of our relationship I again asked as to where we were act and he indicated that he felt we were dating and was happy. I then told him what I had heard about his ex girl friend. He then indicated that when he told me he had issues to figure out earlier that it was regarding her. He stated that he felt guilty as to how he had broken up with her and had not been able to deal with it. He also stated that he continued to speak with her and helped her through tough times over the past two years and had asked her to get back together with him about two or three times over the last two years and even a month prior to when i first approached him. However she was in a relationship at that time. He also said he didnt raise the issue with me because he enjoyed what he had with me and what it could become and if he raised he feared he would lose me.

I could not accept this position so I decided to take a step back out of the relationship. We have maintained a speaking relationship (daily!) so far and it feels the same as if we were together except without the physcial intimacy (at least for me). I feel that this person is someone that I am compatible with and has many of the qualities that I would look for in a long term relationship. I am confused as to his response rearding his guilt and failure to deal with it over 2 years! I think it may be that he still loves his ex girl friend.

I do not want to lose him. He is someone worth fighting for and I am not sure if he is even available..i am not sure how to approach this.. should i try to stay friend and wait for him to figure it out after which may or may not be in my favour or should i make a clean break and walk away?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First, I suggest you make a clean break and walk away. This guy is clearly in love with his ex-girlfriend whom he dated for seven years, and is still not over her two years later. This tells you two things: One, he’s not available as boyfriend material. He’s invested emotionally elsewhere. You deserve someone who’s available and this guy isn’t. He may have all the qualities you are looking for in a man, but he’s more interested in another woman with whom he has had a long term relationship — and that makes him Mr. Wrong for you. 🙁 And, two, that even after a seven year relationship and a two year break up period, he still isn’t serious about giving his ex-girlfriend a commitment, although he’s still interested in being with her. This guy has commitment issues and will waste your time. 😕

Second, I think you should get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that I’ve written for women who are looking to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You can purchase the book at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or as an automatic download at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You’ve ignored a couple of flashing yellow lights in this last relationship that could have saved you time and pain and if you read this book you’ll have an easier time next time around.

For instance, you shouldn’t make a first move or ask about the status of the relationship. You should let the guy do this, and if he DOESN’T do it then that’s a CLEAR SIGN what the status is. There are lots of ways that you’ll be able to know how a man feels about you and if he’s serious — that don’t involve words. This book will help you.

I hope this all helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook! Here’s that link: [url][/url]. You can also follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom. Please do!

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