[sylviakathlene]

I met a wonderful man who loves intelligant conversation. We have been special friends, and since has led to wonderful sex a few times.We have also gone on a 2 week vacation, but he dropped me off at a spot and when he was ready to come home, he picked me up. We love travelling with each other.
[u]We are always together, but just as friends. He told me that he has a very hard time to keep his hand off me, and he is obsessed with me and doesn’t want to loose me as a friend. [/u][b]Now he says that he received a phone call from a previous relationship who wants to try over, he just told me he decided to try. He did tell me right away. (remember we’re just friends)
He said to me that he knew I would understand. He still wanted to remain special friends and continure to do things together. And keep it friends only, for now at least.[/b]He has been looking for a home, and been planning that I would take a room in the house too. IS HE UP TO SOMETHING THERE TOO? IS IT REALLY MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS, AND HE’S SCARED TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS?
I am confused, but want to keep him as a friend, is there any problem with that?? We have great intelligant conversation, and we both like 99% of the same things.
I am even helping him pick homes he should go look at, as he works long hours, and I have the time, and offered to help him.[b]Is he just saying he is obsessed with me? Or is this true? I do know he has a hard time keeping his hand off me. that is very true. He told me too enjoys spending time with me.[/b]He has also helped me with other issues too.We even workout together, and now since he has a bit more time, he’s also calling me, and texting me. Asking who, what, when, where, why etc.
When I moved in a boarder (male) he said I will have to meet this guy, (this was the day after he had gotten this phone call from the other relationship) he when he met the guy, he said he’s NO compatition.
He is a HUNK, I have also never been treated so nice, other than this one issue. Any ideas?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me clear up your confusion: He’s using you.

Friends don’t have sex with each other, so you should shake your head a little and clear that idea out of it. From his point of view: you’re ready and willing. And he can date his ex-girlfriend that he is serious about, and keep you on the side, because you don’t say no and you don’t really demand anything of him (or yourself). I hate to say this because it’s going to sound a little harsh, but the truth is that…you’ve turned into a doormat.

You’ve confused yourself by stating you have intelligent conversation 😕 as if that allows for the fact that he’s using you. (Newsflash: Intelligent men use women the same as Neanderthals.) And you think that his telling you he can’t keep his hands off you means he values you. 😳 It doesn’t. (Sexually charged men use women the same way low-libido men do.) It just means he wants to have sex with you — big difference. And he likes your company — but not as much as his ex-girlfriend he’s getting back with, and not enough to make you his girlfriend, date you or value you the way I think you’d like to be valued. He’s definitely [i]not [/i]scared of a committment — he’s uninterested. 😳 And if that isn’t the biggest mind twist, you’ve somehow decided his asking you to “take a room” in the house he’s buying is a compliment. 😯 Wouldn’t you rather he was buying the house FOR you? It sounds like he’s actually going to charge you rent for the room, too! 😯

Lots of women have sex with men because they don’t understand the differences between men and women. Men have sex because they can and women have sex as an expression of their emotions. Women often mistake sex with a guy for a relationship. Sex is physical for a man. It’s a release. Learn the difference.

If you want more from a man you have to start changing your own behavior and become the woman that men will chase after and try to win over. Essentially, you’ve thrown yourself at him and lowered the bar so that even ants can’t get under it. Read Think & Date Like A Man, so you understand how to be the woman who GETS the man — not who gets run over by him. 🙁 Here’s the link where you can download it immediately: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] or you can buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon. This books is CRITICAL reading for you!

I’d love to see you win a guy over, but you’re going to have to do the work to yourself before you can. I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

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