[cluel3ss26]

My coworker and I never really spoke to each other unless it was strictly work related, or even so much as glanced in one another’s direction. However, about 4 months ago my ex and I ended things. Coworker started to say “hello” to me and smiled when I arrived, and then the innocent flirting began. The initiation was about 50/50, so we were both in on it. I enjoyed having a “work crush” and someone to flirt with, but I wasn’t really looking for anything more. I told a friend of mine about it, and she decided to take matters in her own hands. my friend asked my “work crush” if he was seeing anyone or if he wanted to date anyone from work. He told her that he [i]was[/i] single, but wasn’t interested in getting involved with someone from work. Word got around to another about my little crush, but it definitely got blown out of proportion. My “work crush” was misinformed when someone told him that I was really into him and wanted to date him. He backed way off, and we didn’t speak for about 3 weeks. During that time I also began to casually see another guy. Once my “work crush” realized I wasn’t in love with him, he started to talk to me again. But now, he is doing all of the flirting and talking; I have continued to back off. He is putting in all the effort, and while I am being nice, and talking/flirting back when he initiates it, I don’t seek him out. I would like to know his intentions- just wants to flirt at work, or could it be more this time?

[Ask April Masini]

If a guy wants to date you, he’ll ask you out on a date. It’s that simple! 😉 He’s flirting with you because he likes you, and he may be trying to gauge your interest. But if he decides at some point that he does want to ask you out, I guarantee you’ll know it because he’ll invite you to coffee, dinner or some other typical date. Relax. Enjoy. And don’t worry or be confused. When he asks you out, you’ll know that he wants to date you. Until then, it’s just office flirting. 😎

[Sally]

Work crushes are fun until someone else turns it into a whole storyline you didn’t sign up for. It sounds like once he thought you were trying to date him, he panicked. Most people do when they never planned for anything serious.

But when he saw you weren’t chasing him, he relaxed again. That tells me he likes the attention and the vibe, but he’s not looking to step outside that little work bubble. If a guy wants more, he usually finds some quiet way to show you an invite, a real conversation, something.

Right now it feels like he enjoys the flirting because it’s safe for him. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t expect it to turn into something bigger without him actually saying so.
Keep it light. If he wants more, he’ll make it clear without you having to guess.

[Tara]

This man doesn’t have “intentions.” He has impulses. He flirted when it was easy, vanished the second he thought you wanted more, and magically reappeared once he realized you weren’t chasing him. That’s not romance, that’s ego maintenance.

He didn’t suddenly become interested. He just stopped feeling threatened.
The moment he thought you might actually want something real, he bolted like a scared intern who accidentally hit “reply all.” That tells you everything about his capacity for anything beyond surface-level attention. Now that you’ve pulled back? He’s pouring on the charm because your distance makes him feel safe and superior again.

You’re not dealing with a man evaluating a relationship. You’re dealing with a guy who enjoys being the center of your little work-crush universe as long as he doesn’t have to give you anything back.

[Author]

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