[Katelynne]

I met a wonderful man at the beginning of last month on a blind date. We are both in our late 30’s. Our first date was incredible and every other date after that has been great. He told me he really likes me and all this other great stuff and I feel the same way. We just seem to click and strangers will say to us that we light up the room when we are together. We connect on all levels and both emotionally and physically. He holds my hand, opens doors, pays attention to me, says those most wonderful things to me, does just about anything for me without asking, displays public affection, treats me like a princess, we have great conversations and everything a girl could want. He asked me to go out with him exclusively on our second date and I had no doubts. We have had many great conversations about just about anything and everything. He even asked me to go to one of his workplace outings this month. Our work schedules are complete opposites but we are both willing to put in the time and effort to make this relationship work. The time we do get to spend together is so very important. We text each other every day and we call one another depending on our work schedules. On the third date he wanted to have sex but I said I was not ready and he said he respected that. He asked if he was moving to fast and he would slow things down with us. We did talk about sex and I have been off the pill for while because of headaches I explained this to him and he told me that he does not like to use condoms because he cant feel anything so he would prefer if I was on the pill. I am thinking to myself they make different ones so find one that you like. I said that I would like use to use one when we do have sex. I don’t even know this guy well or his background I like to be safe than sorry. This past week we both were feeling a little under the weather but we made plans to see each other Wednesday night when we saw each other last weekend but when Wednesday night came he never said anything about going out. I cant remember if he texted me or not that night. Thursday came and he texted and called me throughout the day and even though I was upset about the previous nite I called him back later and he wanted to go out but I was tired. We talked for 2 hours. We then decided to make plans for Saturday after he got out of work for a while since he had to be in work early the next day. We said it would be a short date but I would drive up his way instead of him driving to my town. Saturday morning we texted and that was it I never heard back from him until almost 6 pm and he never mentioned anything about going out the only thing he said was that his family was over and he felt better but still not himself. Sorry everyone but I don’t believe this. He tells me he misses me and cant wait to see me all week and then he forgets about me. Thursday nite he asked me to go out with him even though he was not feeling well he said I just want to be with you and see you. I enjoy being with you and so on. He told me he was feeling better today so whats the problem. I just don’t know what to think I am so confused and I am beginning to wonder if something else is going on. My friend says I should talk to him about this but other people say I should forget about him and move on. I have been in some bad relationships in the past but this one seems different for the better but there is a little voice in the back of my head still that says something is not right. I have had this urge all nite to tell him that we cant see each other anymore but I don’t want to regret saying or doing something.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you dated for a month, and he’s lost interest. Kind of simple — although I understand you’re disappointed. 🙁 It sounds like you invested a lot in that one month of dating, and it didn’t pan out. The reality is that after one month of dating, it’s not abnormal for things to not work out…. it usually takes about three months of dating someone to decide if you want to continue dating them. So given that model, what you’re going through is disappointing, but normal.

I don’t agree with your friend that you should talk about what happened. I think that just makes it an issue in the relationship that is only 1 month old. The bottom line is that you know he’s not interested enough to make an effort to see you, and to follow through. If you do still want to see him, then you should give him something to chase after — not be the easy one to date who is there if he wants her. 😎 Wait for him to contact you, and if and when he does, you can be flirtatious and get to know him further without confronting him. Don’t be too available, but balance that with being someone he wants to chase and win over.

And if you’ve decided that he’s wasted your time and you want to move on, then that’s fine, too — but learn from this relationship by using the 3 month model where you use those first three months to decide if you want to continue dating each other — and assume he’s doing the same. You should also be playing the field during this time so you’re not too invested in him, and assume he’s doing the same.

Does that help? Let me know how things go, and if you have any more questions, let me know!

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[Katelynne]

Thanks so much for your advice. We were talking and texting this past week like u would not believe he says he misses me and cant wait to see me all he thinks about is me and how happy he is that we are together. He asked me to get together with him this evening but I get out of work very late and have to be back early tomorrow morning on top of a long drive so I declined. He should understand he works double shifts and overnight shifts and commutes a distance too. So we decided to get together this Saturday all day. This all happened last night and this morning he sends me a text message that says “don’t forget u are coming over tonight after work and u can stay over” I texted back and said that we went thru this last nite and I am unable to come over tonight but we are getting together Saturday. Well I have not heard anything from him today at all I think something else is going on. I know he worked all night last nite but not to hear from him at all today was odd but this is not the first time he pulls immature crap. Whenever something does not go his way he stops talking to me like he is a needy child or needs some type of ego boost. Once I give him that then he is back to normal. I started thinking about everything today and realized I don’t need to be treated as a convenience or readily available according to his schedule or anything else. I feel like he is a child not a man and unwilling to compromise or even communicate or understand me or anything else its hard to explain what I am feeling but I do know I should not be treated like this. I am not going to be used. Our schedules are different and we agreed that we would work with one another but it seems like I am putting in the effort and he is not. I started a new position at work the other day and he texted me and said that everyone better know that I am taken and I am his because I work with mostly men. I could not believe what I read. I do work with mostly men all day and have to admit I get more attention and better communication and everything else than what he is giving me. I would love to say that but of course I would not. I never mentioned how he forgot about me last week 2 times when we were to go out. I am sure once Saturday comes closer he will start talking to me again but I think I will ignore him. There are other fish in the sea.

[Ask April Masini]

I think your idea to look elsewhere and play the field is a good one…. and I hope you won’t be angry at him, or bitter at the situation — use the first three months of dating anyone to simply decide if you want to continue dating them. 😉 Be open minded and play the field — and assume the guy is doing the same. If things don’t work out, you won’t feel upset about it if you understand that the first three months were simply a time to see if you wanted to continue dating or not. When you invest too much in that time period, it’s easy to get angry because you feel betrayed or that you’ve wasted your time — but when you assume it’s a “get to know you” period, you won’t feel as angry if things don’t work out.

I hope that helps, and that you’ll check in here as you date other people…. 🙂 If you have any more questions, please ask.

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[Natalie Noah]

It’s a painful situation, but the pattern is actually very clear once you step back from the emotions. In the beginning, he gave her intensity the sweetness, the attention, the compliments, the physical affection, the exclusivity talk right away. It felt magical, and people often confuse intensity for sincerity. But intensity is easy. Consistency is the real test, and that’s exactly where he started failing. The forgetfulness, the disappearing act, the “I miss you” only when it serves him that’s not confusion, that’s emotional immaturity. He wanted the parts of the relationship that fed his ego, not the parts that required showing up.

What stands out most is how he reacted whenever things didn’t go his way. Not getting a night together shouldn’t trigger silence or punishment, but with him, it did. That tells you he views affection as something he should receive on demand and when he doesn’t, he withdraws to regain control. That isn’t love, it’s insecurity dressed up as romance. The possessiveness (“everyone better know you’re taken”) wasn’t a sweet moment, it was a warning sign. Men who feel entitled to your time, your body, and your attention this early almost always become more controlling later.

And she already sensed it. That “little voice” telling her something feels off is the part of her that recognizes patterns from past hurt. She didn’t want to listen to it because the good moments were so charming, but charm without consistency is emotional bait. The second she set a boundary “I can’t come tonight, but we’ll see each other Saturday” he punished her with silence. Then she had to chase his mood just to bring things back to normal. That’s the dance of an imbalanced relationship: one person working overtime to “keep the peace,” and the other contributing nothing but demands.

Her decision to step back and play the field isn’t just smart, it’s self-respect resurfacing. People like him don’t magically become stable partners. They behave beautifully at the start and then slowly reveal that they only thrive when everything revolves around them. Choosing not to tolerate that isn’t giving up; it’s choosing peace over chaos. And honestly? Once a woman reaches the point where she sees the difference between attention and real effort, she never goes back to men like him again.

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