[blackdahlia]

I have a dilemma. I have known this guy for approx 5-6 yrs. We have a “intimate” past. We talked on a daily basis and I was chasing after him for about a year, before he finally took me on a date. He is a total “player” type of guy . I knew there was never going to be a relationship out of the deal (even though I secretly hoped for it)Despite his reputation, we built a very good friendship. He was there for me for a lot of difficult things in my life, like when my grandma passed away, or I was in financial trouble. Etc. We hooked up a lot, and I never felt used or played or anything like that. I knew what I was getting myself into , and I knew that because of a bunch of issues he had in his life, he really just wasn’t capable of having a normal relationship. He told me that from day one, because he didn’t want to get my hopes up or ruin our friendship. Well long story short…I started dating someone else, and I obviously stopped talking to the other guy. Well last year he walked back into my life, because he got a job working at the same place as I do. We talked off and on to say hello and etc. Well now that me and my boyfriend broke up, we have been texting on a daily basis again and flirting a lot. He has been trying to get me to come over and I finally did last week. It was just like it used to be. We texted and talked the same and next day just like normal. But then 2 days later his texts were really short …and ever since then they have kinda been short, or he hasn’t replied at all. I know he is busy with a lot of work and also has a busy personal life, but my question is how do I act? He will never initiate first contact because I am unfortunately still living with my ex until I can get my own place. So I cant just ignore him all together in hopes that he will contact me, cuz he wont. I know I should “distance” myself to make him chase after me, but im not sure how to do that. Just for the record, im not trying to get him in a relationship or anything like that, I just enjoy his company and he makes me smile. Help! Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your confusion with a long time friend is fueled because you are looking for a confusing relationship! You’re living with your most recent ex-boyfriend, but you’re texting your less recent ex-hook up and friend because you don’t want a relationship, but you just want “his company”. 😯

First of all, you can’t really expect any normal guy to want to be involved with you if you’re living with your ex-boyfriend. So move out and get your own place or a female roommate situation. You’ll be a lot more attractive to men that way! 🙂

Second of all, know that if he isn’t texting you back, he’s not that interested. I know you want what you want, but you’ve put yourself in a situation that doesn’t make you attractive to a man who wants a girlfriend (you’re living with a man already!) or a man who wants a hook up (you’re living with a man alread! — did I just say that?? 😆 ). Most guys aren’t interested in just being friends — and your history with this guy you have your eye on was sexual in spite of everything else. He wants more than just friendship and he isn’t comfortable pursuing you in your current situation.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and consider getting my book called Think & Date Like A Man that I’ve written for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. It will help you cut through confusion quickly. You can get it at Barnes & Noble, Amazon or right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

See you Twitter! Follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) and come friend me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[blackdahlia]

thanks. i know i need to move out and i fully intend on doing so. But we just broke up and unfortunately we have been together so long, there are alot of combined assessts and bills. so i am trying to get all of that in order so i can make a clean get away. I dont expect to have a normal relationship with any man until i do all of that and get my ducks all in a row. But right now, im not even wanting a relationship, i really am just going to enjoy being single for awhile, and finding who i am again. Even though i dont want a relationship, i still have needs and i still want to hang out and just spend quality time with me friend. So i know im not setting myself up for failure or anything, because im not looking for anything right now. Also you made a comment about this other man obviously thinking about me as more than a friend. That may be true to some extent, but he has mad eit perfectly clear he isnt capable of handling a relationship with a woman. Long story there too, but his parents both passed away,and it kinda messed him up in the head. Granted I think that is just a really bad cop out for not wanting to let go and blah blah..but thats not my lace. the fact is thats how he feels. So im not worred about or trying to get myself into a relationship with him. I would love to, but i just dont think that would ever happen ya know? Anyways. Thanks for the advice and i will definetly look into that book.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you know what to do — just don’t make excuses for not doing it! You deserve to have a real relationship and you know that you have to get your ducks in a row, so I can’t wait to hear from you that you’ve done that. As far as your “needs”, I don’t agree that you should look to this guy to fulfill them. You’re fooling yourself that sex won’t complicate things because you both have an understanding that there will be no official relationship. Keep it clean and clean it up!

Then and only then, will you be ready for Mr. Right! And I know you want and deserve that.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it all pans out. And in the meantime, follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot) — it’s free!

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