[Karina2]

So I’ve been texting this guy Curtis for about two months and last week we met up for dinner. We really hit it off and stayed out until 3 a.m. At the end of the night we kissed (a lot) The next night he asked me to come over and watch movies and cuddle. And that’s all we did except for a hot make out session. Then the next night he called to invite me over again and we ended up sleeping together twice. He told me he liked me a lot and I did too but when I said that I really meant it tje next day he just said ok love :). Then we didn’t talk for like 2 days and when I text him to see if he wanted to hang out he said that he already had plans and that was it. I haven’t heard from him since should I text him? Should I wait? Did I mess things up by giving it up too quickly?
Please help me with your advice I’m so confused as to what to do now.
I really do like him and want to see him again.

[Ask April Masini]

Yes, you did. 🙁 Men have sex because they can, and if you had three dates in three nights, and after he had sex with you he disappeared, he wasn’t really interested in you as a girlfriend. 😳 Men want women they can chase and win over — if you throw yourself at him by texting him first, or when you haven’t heard from him, and sleep with him too soon — you’re giving him the booby prize that anyone can get. That’s not what guys want (for very long, anyway).

Also, for women, sex clouds their judgment. It changes things. When women have sex they become emotionally attached and they use sex as leverage for emotional attachments. If you do this too soon, you don’t have time to really get to know who this guy is and if he’s even someone you WANT to spend a relationship with!

You should read Think & Date LIke A Man to learn how to date successfully (and find out WHEN to sleep with him!). You can buy it on the website for Amazon, Barnes & Noble or right here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Read the book and learn from your mistakes, so next time around, you’ll get the guy who’s Mr. Right and not waste your time on men who aren’t right for you. 😉

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and lease follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[NeilPearson]

I don’t think he is avoiding you because you gave it up too fast. I think he would be acting this way if you had not given it up too.

I’d just call him and talk to him. Be honest and ask him what’s up.

[Karina2]

Thanks for the advice it makes a lot of sense.
But now there’s a new problem and I’m more confused.
After I text him and he didn’t respond a couple of days later he text me something along the lines of hey sweety. Al I said back was hey and that was it. Then another couple of days later he txt me again saying hi and I didn’t text back (every time b4 I got a txt a blocked # would call me and hang up). So yesterday after ignoring him for a while he txt me again saying hi and I said hi then he want on to say he missed me that he wants to see me soon. Now I’m just confused idk want to do. Help?

[jade]

He want to have sex with you again. Then disappear again. 🙄 Don’t respond to his text. Otherwise you will be allowing/enabling his behavior cycle of have sex and disappear and he’ll think that is ok with you. Your feelings matter. Choose not to go into the confusion zone. His actions are clear and you should be too. Just say no. (By not responding).

[JackB]

Just to add a guy’s perspective to this:

I’ve had relationships that moved too quickly, scared me away, and then after I backed off, I started thinking, “Hmmm… maybe I SHOULDN’T have backed away so quickly… I actually do like her….” So then I’d start making small gestures like saying, “Hey, I miss you.” It’s possible that’s what he’s going through.

Or, he could just be thinking, “Hey, she’s easy, maybe if I play my cards right, I can get some more action.”

I don’t completely agree with April that guys like a woman they can chase, and that they’re turned off by women who make the first move (no offense, April!) I, for one, admire a woman who is willing to take the initiative– there are ways for women to do that without seeming slutty or desperate (I agree with April that the slutty/desperate approach won’t lead to anything lasting.)

[Karina2]

Thanks for the advice.
Both of you have given me a lot to think about.
Oh and did I forget to mention that ya I do like him but I’m not looking for a relationship right now, I’m young and just got out of a serious relationship, and he knew that from the beginning. I’m not trying to justify his actions. And even if we didn’t work out in any way I would be cool with just being friends.
You guys have helped a lot and I hope things work out for the best
🙂

[Ask April Masini]

[b]jade[/b] is right. You can expect more of the same from him.

[Ethan Morales]

You need to understand the dynamic here: three dates, three nights, and he disappears afterward. That’s a classic pattern when sex comes too quickly, it removes the “chase,” the tension, the investment men often need to become truly interested. April’s blunt: he’s not necessarily bad, but he’s not in the “serious girlfriend” mindset because the challenge is gone.

Sex early on can cloud judgment for both sides. For women, it often creates emotional attachment prematurely. For men, it can create a sense of completion rather than motivation. In this case, the emotional attachment is on your side, but the motivation on his is gone hence the silence.

The mistake isn’t catastrophic, but it’s a learning moment. You didn’t “ruin” everything, but you fast-tracked intimacy without enough foundation. The result: you’re invested, he’s distant. That’s not a reflection of your worth it’s a mismatch in timing and expectations.

Don’t text him chasing him. Take a step back, let him reach out if he’s interested, and treat this as a lesson in pacing intimacy. Next time, let connection build first, let him invest, and keep your emotional energy protected until you see consistency in interest. It’s not about regret it’s about recalibrating how you approach relationships.

[Tara]

He didn’t “lose interest after sex.” He never had real interest to begin with. You weren’t building a relationship you were participating in his pre-sex performance, and the moment the performance paid off, he clocked out. You keep obsessing over the timing like that changes the truth. It doesn’t. He wasn’t confused, shy, overwhelmed, or scared of his feelings. He was done. Men don’t suddenly evaporate because intimacy was “too soon.” They disappear because they got what they came for and have zero intention of investing further.

His “I like you a lot” wasn’t affection it was bait. You treated it like a promise, but he meant it like a coupon: limited validity, single use, no commitment. The second you replied with actual emotion, he hit you with that dead, dismissive “ok,” because that’s the real him. Minimal effort, minimal interest, minimal respect. That wasn’t a miscommunication. That was your wake-up call, and you ignored it.

Then you texted asking to hang out, and suddenly he’s “busy.” Translation: he’s avoiding you while pretending he’s not. If he genuinely wanted to see you, he’d move mountains, not hide behind schedule excuses like a teenager dodging accountability. Men don’t stall when they care. They stall when they’re hoping you get the hint and stop bothering them so they don’t have to be the one who says, “I’m not interested.”

You’re treating this like some salvageable misstep when the reality is insultingly simple: he already moved on. He’s just hoping you do it quietly so he can walk away without the discomfort of honesty. And if you text him again, all you’re doing is announcing that you’re willing to tolerate crumbs from a man who already cashed out.
You didn’t screw up by sleeping with him. You screwed up by projecting meaning onto a man who showed you absolutely none. You built a fantasy off of chemistry, and he treated you like a temporary convenience with an expiration date.

Stop giving him dignity he didn’t earn. Stop looking for closure he won’t provide. Stop trying to resurrect something he never planned to sustain. He’s finished, and the longer you deny it, the more self-respect you burn.
Move on. And next time, treat actions like truth and words like noise — because that’s exactly what they are.

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