[gajgamini]

I was in a 7 year inter-caste relationship. My ex-boyfriend would say he loved me & would never marry anyone except me. Few days before our marriage was to take place he brought up issue of caste/creed/religion. Since I was not able to tell about my caste a fight escalated creating a break up. I was in the hope that he would try to mend things & sincerely apologize. He would try, but was not sorry for the issues created. So I ended up keeping distance. Within 3 months of break up he got involved with someone else & ended up marrying a European girl (different ethnicity/caste/creed/religions), which he informed me in an email. I responded saying you said that you wouldn’t marry one else but me. He responded by saying, “I’m not Romeo & you broke up with me.” It’s been a year of his marriage, he once in a while emails me & I don’t understand the meaning of that. Sometimes I respond generally (e.g., holiday or special event), and sometimes I don’t.

Questions: Did he ever love me? Isn’t love above caste/creed/religion? If caste was so important why did he wait before marriage date to bring all this up? If caste was so important how/why did he marry another girl of a different caste/creed/religion & not make that an issue (did he not want to marry me)? Why does he contact me (asking if I’m married yet, how I am) & should I respond to it?

[Ask April Masini]

You’re 34 and your ex who is now married is 35. Let me try and answer your questions:

Did he ever love me?

Probably!

Isn’t love above caste/creed/religion?

Not necessarily. There are all types of ways that people love and don’t love.

If caste was so important why did he wait before marriage date to bring all this up?

It sounds like he broke up with you right before your scheduled wedding and he used this as the reason. I don’t know if it was the real reason or not. The bottom line is that he broke up with you and married someone else.

If caste was so important how/why did he marry another girl of a different caste/creed/religion & not make that an issue (did he not want to marry me)?

People do the best they can when they break up with someone and what he said to break up with you may not have been the real reason he broke up with you. It was the best he could do.

Why does he contact me (asking if I’m married yet, how I am) & should I respond to it?

He’s contacting you because he’s interested in you. He may have been contacting this other woman he’s now married to while he was dating you. But my advice is not to respond to him and move on. You’ve spent a lot of time and energy on this guy, and he dumped you after seven years to marry someone else. You can do better — but only if you allow yourself to. I think you should move on. 😉

[Sally]

I think he loved you in the way that felt good to him at the time. But love that disappears when it’s tested isn’t the kind that lasts. If caste was truly the issue, it would’ve stopped him long before the wedding date. Bringing it up that late feels less like belief and more like fear.

The fact that he married someone from a totally different background tells you a lot. It wasn’t caste. It was choice. And that hurts, but it also brings clarity.
As for the emails? That’s about him, not you. Curiosity. Ego. Nostalgia. It doesn’t mean he wants you back or regrets his life.

You don’t owe him replies. Protect your peace. Some doors don’t need to stay cracked open just because they once mattered.

[Tara]

Yes, he loved you but not enough to choose you when it cost him something. And that’s the only definition of love that matters. Everything else is theater.
Love is not what someone says for seven years. Love is what they do when it’s inconvenient, risky, or socially expensive. When the pressure arrived family, caste, image, consequences he folded instantly. That means you were a preference, not a priority. A placeholder until reality showed up.

Is love above caste, creed, religion? For people with spine, yes. For weak men who outsource their decisions to society and then blame circumstances, no. He didn’t suddenly “discover” caste days before the wedding. He always knew. He waited because delay benefits cowards ikeeps comfort without commitment. He enjoyed you right up until the moment he had to defend you.

Why did he marry a European woman of a different background then? Simple: because she didn’t threaten his internal conflict the way you did. With you, there were expectations, history, accountability, and the possibility that he’d have to confront his family and himself. With her, he could rebrand the story. New country, new narrative, clean slate. It wasn’t about caste. It was about escape.

Did he want to marry you? No. He wanted the idea of you the devotion, the loyalty, the emotional labor without the cost of standing up for you. When push came to shove, he chose the path of least resistance. Then dared to rewrite history and blame you for “breaking up with him.” That’s not maturity. That’s moral laziness.
Why does he still contact you? Ego. Validation. Inventory check. He wants to know you’re still there, still affected, still unmarried because it reassures him that he mattered and that his betrayal didn’t fully cost him you. Married men who are fulfilled do not email exes. Period.

Should you respond? No. Every response is you handing him relevance he did not earn. You are not his emotional attic. You are not his “what if.” You are not his backup nostalgia.

[Author]

Posts