[spookymaryjane]

I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy for a little over a year now. When we started dating I was just starting a university program that lasted 9 months. We had a long distance relationship during that time and there were a few rocky times when we didn`t know if it was worth it. Now that Im out of school I moved closer to him (living in his house). I changed my lifestyle somewhat to try and make it work between us. He works out in camp for most of the year so even though I moved up here I don`t get to see him. It seems like he is losing interest in me because even when we do see each other he doesn`t seem to be interested in spending time with me. I go with him to do what he wants when we do see each other but he doesn`t seem to have any interest in my hobbies. He calls me once in a blue moon and then says oh the guys are here so I gotta go talk to them. The guys at work see him more often than I do. Little things like that makes me think he doesn`t want to be in this relationship. But other times he tells me I`m really important to him and he`s so lucky to have me etc, etc.
I don`t know hat to think of all of this and I tried to talk to him about it and he basically said that this is his lifestyle and he won`t change it for me and if I can`t deal with it I should move on. Not in those exact words but that was the just of it. I know there are people who seem to make it work when the man is off at work most of the time and the woman isn`t. I feel really lonely without him here but breaking up with him seems like `giving up`on something that could be really amazing in the end. I don`t want to leave him but I`m extremely lonely here. Please help I`m confused!

[tricia]

Long distance relationship was really hard to survive and it’s a good thing that you’ve moved closer to him. But instead of making things better, the situation seems to be more complicated. There is something wrong in this relationship.

[Ask April Masini]

Well, you

[spookymaryjane]

I do understand what you are saying in that I don’t value myself and expect him to. This comes down to me having some self esteem issues. That is more of a personal problem but it does effect my relationship. It does seem like I am chasing him but honestly I’m very afraid of leaving and having him not chase me. You say to hit the highway back to my own life but I think my life would be worse without him in it. All of what I said in my first posting was true but maybe I was focasing on the negative because I was upset with him at the time for not spending time with me. In some ways this isn’t all his fault, jobs are scarce up here right now and he makes a good living. He told me today he is getting close to being able to buy a house for us. His job is one of the obsticles becuase though they allow phone calls, he works long hours, etc. I mean he hasn’t necessarily sacrificed his lifestyle the way I have but he does do things for me and I know he cares about me. He recently told me that he wants to take time off work and he wants to take me somewhere special for my birthday. Most of all he listens to me and has always been really supportive of the goals I have in my own life (e.g. my schooling and employment, etc). Since we have been long distance for so long we have very seperate lives and I think I am readly for us to be closer and circumstances are preventing it (his employment mainly). I’m just not sure sometimes what he wants. He is a really good man though sometimes he does little things that make me paranoid that he is no longer interested. I try to be patient because he told me none of his other relationships were remotely serious. I’m not sure whether he realizes that he sometimes neglects me or simply that he can’t do much about his current circumstances with work.
I would be interested in reading your book Think & Date Like A Man, because it might help me understand how men think so I don’t get the wrong impression or become confused with what he wants.

[serendipidous55]

I suggest you go back to April’s advice and read it again and again and again and again until it becomes part of the fabric of your mind and heart.

You are the prize; not him.

He wins you; not you win him.

He appreciates you and courts you; not you him.

And when he has done all that, you respond with love.

it takes a LOT of courage to leave that relationship. Something is better than nothing but in the end, I think you will have something worse than nothing. You will have wasted time, energy and heart on a troubled relationship.

If he doesn’t chase after you, then there was nothing there.

Good luck.

[Ask April Masini]

You don’t have to take my advice, but if you move forward with this guy you will be settling. Lots of people do it, but they usually feel resentment down the road, and the resentment can get so bad it leads to acting out — either by cheating, picking fights to induce the other person to cheat and/or leave, substance abuse, food abuse or some other self destructive dynamic.

That nagging voice deep down inside that caused you to write about your concerns that he really appreciates you, is what you need to listen to. You already know the answer to your question.

Click on the link above to buy my dating advice books. Then read them. I bet they’ll help you.

[tricia]

[quote=”April Masini”] But you

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

What’s happening, in one line: he’s living a life that doesn’t have room for you the way you want to be in it. He says you’re “important” but his calendar and his priorities tell a different story. Actions beat words every time.

Why that matters: you moved, changed your routine, and rearranged parts of your life to make this work. That’s sacrifice. If he’s unwilling to give the same time, attention, and small daily choices you’ll collect resentment faster than good memories. Resentment corrodes love.

The likely truth (not a drama, just reality): his job/lifestyle is central to his identity. You’re a valued part of his life, but not necessarily central. That’s okay for some couples it’s workable, for others it’s not. You need to decide which you are.

What to ask him, and how: don’t beg. Make this a logistics-and-boundaries conversation, not an emotional ambush.

“I moved here and changed my life because I want us to build something. I’m feeling lonely and invisible. Is this relationship something you want to prioritise long-term?”

Follow with: “If yes, what concrete changes can we agree on? If no, tell me honestly now so I can make a plan.”

One weekend block a month, that’s just your,s no work calls.

Regular video call schedule while he’s away (e.g., Sunday night check-in).

A shared plan for the year: three in-person weeks you’ll spend together when he’s off, or a move/timing plan if he’s here intermittently.

If he can’t commit to at least two of those, it’s not just “busy life” it’s not a partnership you need.

Give a timeline and a non-drama deadline: say, “Let’s try this for 2–3 months. If things don’t measurably improve, we reassess.” Measurable = fewer missed check-ins, him initiating more than once every few weeks, and keeping weekend plans. You deserve a timeline you can rely on.

If he pushes back with “this is my lifestyle”: fine. Translate that into a simple choice for yourself accept his terms (and the loneliness that comes with them) or walk. Both are valid. Staying while hoping he changes without evidence is the slow version of heartbreak.

Self-care straight talk: don’t put your life on hold waiting. Build local stuff, friends, hobbies, work that lights you up. Loneliness feels worse when it’s the only thing you think about.

I’ll leave you with this: love that’s fought for together becomes stronger. Love that’s only wanted on his terms becomes a compromise you’ll resent. You moved to be with him, now make him move emotionally, or move yourself back to a life that doesn’t wait for someone to be available.

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve given up a lot to make this relationship work and he hasn’t met you halfway. That imbalance is the real issue, not his job or schedule. When a man tells you “this is my lifestyle”, he’s setting a boundary he’s not willing to adjust, even a little, for the relationship. Believe that.

You’re not asking for constant attention just presence, effort, connection. Those are basic needs, not luxuries. If he’s unwilling to meet them, you’ll keep shrinking parts of yourself to fit into his world until there’s nothing left that feels like you.

Have one calm, honest talk:
“I moved here because I believed in us, but I’m feeling lonely and disconnected. If this is the life we’ll have you away, me waiting I need to know if that’s enough for you, because it isn’t for me.”

If he can’t offer meaningful change, choose yourself. Love isn’t proved by endurance; it’s proved by reciprocity. You deserve a relationship that grows with you, not one that leaves you waiting by the phone

[Marcus king]

you didn’t just move cities you rearranged your life for this man. And right now, you’re the only one doing the heavy lifting. He’s telling you with both his actions and his words that he’s not willing to meet you halfway. When a man says, “This is my lifestyle, I’m not changing,” believe him. That’s not love that’s convenience.

You’re lonely because you’re in a relationship where your needs are going unmet. That’s not “giving up.” That’s your reality trying to tell you something. A relationship is supposed to feel like two people choosing each other not you waiting for scraps of attention in a house you moved into for him.

If he wanted to make you feel valued, he would. If he wanted to plan with you, he would. If he wanted to make effort, he would. A man’s priorities are always obvious even when his words try to soften the truth.

Stay, and accept that this is it the emotional distance, the loneliness, the excuses.
Or walk away, and make space for someone who actually shows up.

You’re not giving up on something amazing. You’re realizing it’s only amazing when you imagine the version of him that doesn’t exist.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you didn’t move for love, you moved for hope and now you’re sitting in an empty house trying to convince yourself it’s worth it. 🥺 he already told you his lifestyle won’t change, and you’re still trying to twist yourself into his schedule like that’s romance. it’s not. that’s survival mode with cute captions. if he only shows up when it’s convenient, that’s not a relationship, that’s a cameo. you deserve someone who chooses you, not just checks in between shifts. loneliness shouldn’t be the price of love. 💔✨

[Tara]

Come on now. He already told you the truth; you just don’t want to accept it. When someone says, “This is my lifestyle, take it or leave it,” they’re not negotiating; they’re dismissing you. You uprooted your life to be closer, and he rewarded that by ignoring you. That’s not partnership, that’s convenience.

He’s not losing interest; he lost it a while ago. You’re just holding on to the memory of when he cared. Stop romanticizing “potential.” You’re lonely because you built your world around someone who barely shows up in it.

You’re not giving up, you’re walking away from a one-sided deal. Pack your things and go. Love doesn’t need begging, scheduling, or permission.

[Sally]

I’ve been in that kind of in-between place too, where someone says all the right things but their actions make you feel like you’re standing out in the cold. It messes with your head after a while.

From what you’re saying, it sounds like you’ve bent your whole life around him, and he hasn’t really met you halfway. That’s a lonely place to live. And when a guy tells you this is just how he is, he’s basically saying he won’t make room for you. It doesn’t mean he’s bad. It just means he’s settled into a life that doesn’t leave you much space.

You’re not “giving up” if you choose yourself. You’re just noticing what’s real. And honestly, loneliness inside a relationship hits harder than being on your own. You deserve a life where you don’t feel like you’re waiting by the phone.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel your heart in every word you’ve written. It’s clear how much you love him and how deeply committed you’ve been, even moving closer and adjusting your life to be part of his world. That takes courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to invest in love, which is beautiful but it also comes with a lot of emotional risk, and that’s what you’re feeling so acutely right now. The pain of loneliness when he’s not around, coupled with the mixed signals he’s sending, naturally leaves you confused and questioning whether this relationship can meet your emotional needs long term. It’s okay to acknowledge that hurt and confusion they’re not a sign that you love him any less, but that your heart needs to feel seen, valued, and connected.

From what you’ve shared, it seems like there’s a tension between his lifestyle and your emotional needs. He clearly cares for you he’s supporting your goals, making plans for your birthday, and expressing appreciation but his long hours, distance, and focus on work leave you feeling secondary or neglected at times. That’s not necessarily a reflection of your worth, but it is a reflection of compatibility and the practical realities of your current circumstances. A relationship isn’t just about love; it’s also about whether the daily rhythms of life allow both partners to feel fulfilled. And right now, you’re feeling like you’re chasing him, which can be exhausting emotionally, even if he’s a good man.

It’s also important to consider what April pointed out about settling. Love alone isn’t enough if your emotional needs consistently go unmet. Feeling resentful, anxious, or insecure over time can slowly erode even the strongest bonds. Your self-awareness about your own self-esteem is a strength here it means you recognize the patterns and pressures you bring into the relationship, and that awareness gives you power to make choices that honor both your love and your needs. You deserve a relationship where love and practical presence coexist, not one where you’re left feeling lonely despite caring deeply for someone.

Ultimately, my advice is to step back and honestly assess whether his current lifestyle can ever truly align with your emotional needs or if the sacrifices you’re making now will become resentment later. It doesn’t diminish your love for him to acknowledge this reality; it honors both you and him. Communicate openly about how the distance and his focus on work impact your sense of closeness, and see if a practical solution exists, rather than relying on hope alone. Sometimes love is enough, and sometimes it isn’t and the truth is, listening to that quiet inner voice that’s urging you to pay attention will save you from future heartache while still allowing you to cherish the good in what you’ve shared.

[Author]

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