[triplet]

hi all,
i’m seeing this guy for about 6 months, i already know him but when we were kids so years passed & we didn’t met.
then i added him on facebook then msn we started to talk & talk for about 3 to 5 hours in a day for 4 to 5 days a week.& we were getting deep in the conversations. after 3 months, he didn’t mention anything about meeting each other so i decided to suggest it so he accepted right away.
Now we are seeing each other once in a while, we call, text & chat but things are not exciting like the beginning. I don’t understand him, he call me & ask me out, when we go out he don’t seem interested & he don’t make any moves to get it to the next level. now he waits several days & then suddenly he talk to me. i don’t know, i’m confused if i should give it a try & wait maybe he will do something or i should let it go & try not talking to him as much as we used to do? need help:)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re putting your energy into a man who isn’t interested in having you as a girlfriend. 😳 If a guy doesn’t ask you out after about three weeks of talking online and on the phone, move on. You confused yourself by being the one to ask HIM out. If you’d just let him do the chasing, you would have seen he wasn’t going to. Talking 3 to 5 hours a day, 4 to 5 days a week is WAY too much.

My advice is to cut bait and move on. He may be someone you’ve known all your life, but he isn’t acting like he wants to be your boyfriend. Find a man who is! 😀

[triplet]

thank you a lot for ur answer,
i think i’m starting to have some feelings to him, what should i do if he asked me out or call?
should i treat him as a friend? but i honestly do not believe in friendship with a guy in this case. or should i stop gradually giving him importance?
& i have a curious question, if he don’t want me as a girlfriend why he is always starting a conversation & he ask me to go out? am i just a friend?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Know what YOU want from a man in your life. I agree with you that it’s a bad idea to be friends with guys because either you or he will always have more feelings for the other one — and that leads to confusion. If you’re not friends with him, and he asks you out, it’s clearly a date. This avoids confusion and heartache and wasting time. 🙂

It’s pretty clear from what you’ve written that this guy isn’t boyfriend material. You’ve done most of, if not all of, the work — which was a mistake because it’s left you confused. Since you say that when you do go out he doesn’t show any interest, it’s time for you to move on. If you’re looking for a relationship this guy isn’t it. A man who wants you and values you will make you feel that way. This guy clearly isn’t, and you keep trying to fix the relationship instead of looking at the fact that he’s not going to be the relationship you want.

I actually think you already know this and just want me to confirm your feelings. 😉 Consider them confirmed.

I hoe that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[triplet]

😀 yeah i know this is very true…i wanted an extra confirmation to take the right decision
Because i think that i needed this guy too much to forget another one…because lately i’m trying to get over a relationship that lasted 4 years.. so i tried to fix this relationship and do the moves i guess i’m just avoiding to be lonely.
thank you a lot for your help 😐

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 😀

[triplet]

It’s been a month till i took the decision that i should put some boundaries to my relationship with the person already mention in the previous posts…
In this month i stopped doing any moves so i didn’t call, text or even chat on msn & Facebook… He text me each weekend to do something or to just have a little chat. he asked me out & i said i have a dinner.
The thing is, we are not talking anymore..all i know that on weekends i receive a text message from him.

I want to know is it wrong to talk openly & honestly with him about the situation of our relationship without being the one that takes all the moves.I think if we talk & get everything clear so we can easily move on.
I dont want to lose him as a friend at the same time we are not friends, i don’t know what we are actually.. i want to label this relationship. But i’m afraid to be misjudged or misunderstood by this person because he was supportive & helped me in a difficult period of my life & i appreciate him.

I don’t know maybe i didn’t get his signals right, maybe we are just friends & i’m making things bigger in my head… all i want to know, in what kind of relationship am i? to act accordingly. Thank you 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like after you put up some boundaries and stopped acting like the guy, he actually stepped up to the plate and asked you out on a date! 😀 That was your moment to accept and start acting like a girlfriend [i]if that’s what you wanted[/i]. But it seems like you decided not to — I imagine because you’ve decided he’s not Mr. Right.

Since you have that decision, it’s important to honor it, and stop spending so much time with him and thinking about him. When you’ve got a guy in your life who is “just a friend” usually one person wants more than the other and it’s easy to get confused and waste time. My advice is, as I wrote you last time, decide what YOU want in your life and go for it. If you continue to play defense and question what kind of default relationship you’re in, instead of deciding what kind of relationship YOU want and then going for it, you’re going to remain confuse.

If you keep responding to his weekly communications, you’re going to give him (and yourself!) the wrong idea. Try responding once a month — or only once every two months. That definitely sets the relationship on a much more casual course than what he wants, and what is right for both of you.

Make the tough decisions about YOUR life and YOUR future! 😉

[triplet]

okkkkk this week when we were out he gave me a nice gift without any occasion, the 2 last times i saw him he act differently, i dont know what happened but i like the fact that we have fun when we are together and we laugh all the time, he seems interested about what i have to say not like before & i can notice changes

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Congratulations! Things seem to be going well for you. If you have more questions about this type of dynamic, please read Think & Date LIke A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 😀

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