[Kalyov]

I am horrible at these kinds of things…never really had any relationships in HS, had 2 in college so yeah…Im pretty much new to all this.

I think he likes me…and so do my friends…so why hasn’t he asked me out???

[u]He…[/u]

[b]-Pokes me[/b] (though yesterday he poke someone else and then blamed it on me!)

[b]-Nudges me[/b] (he nudged me so I poked him and hes like “why are you so mean to me!?” and then turns to the guy beside him “shes abusive to me.”)

[b]-Gives me high-fives [/b](yesterday when he gave me one he grasped my hand for a bit..longer than needed)

[b]-talking[/b] to me in class all the time and then on facebook too

[b]-asking [/b]if he can steal one of my fries off my plate

[b]-sometimes [/b]I catch him looking at me

[b]-picks[/b] on me

[b]-we [/b]spent about 4 hours together yesterday (I saw him so we talked for a bit then he was like “guess ill follow you” so we staid together and sat together watching the game)

[b]-it [/b]was really cold so I huddled close to him and he didn’t object (when we were separated once because someone stepped between us, he returned to the closeness we had before afterwards – though no arms around eachother so it wasn’t like cuddling)

[b]-one [/b]time we were walking around and he was doing something that embarrassed me so I was like “I disown you!” he goes “you owned me? I didnt know this! were not committed.” (what was that all about? Should I be worried? Or is that a good sign?)

[b]-one[/b] of my ‘friends’ (she had 3 bfs at one time and then likes/flirts with 7 of the guys in class) tried flirting with him..I was giving her the death look lol but he ignored her …my friend went up to him later on and said “you know she was flirting with you right?” he goes “yeah I know…I was trying to ignore her.”)

[b]-and[/b] he obeys me lol….if he does something I dont like all I have to do is look at him and he stops XD (or he does things like this…when I was trying to record something I told him to ‘sush im recording!” he starts going “blah blah blah” for a bit fooling around )

What do you think? Does he like me? If so…why hasn’t he asked me out yet? This has been going on for about a month now…

I’d rather him ask me out because normally when I ask people out I get rejected, and I’m horrible with rejection (I cry easily.) >.<

[Ask April Masini]

Yes. He likes you! 😀

There’s no question about that, and I applaud and support your decision not to ask him out — as you, yourself write, that never works out well.

As to why he hasn’t asked you out yet, I can’t answer that — sorry! He’s just on a different clock than you are. However, if you employ some feminine wiles and tease him, reward him for his attention — but don’t make yourself too available at the same time, this may speed up his motor and make him want to see you so much that he won’t be able to ask you out fast enough! 😎

You may want to check out my book written for women with dating questions, called Think & Date Like A Man, that you can purchase for $15.95 at this link[url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It downloads immediately after purchase, so you can start reading it this week and be done by the weekend! 😛 The book will give you more specific ideas that will help you lure him into wanting to ask you out now, rather than later.

Being a cute girl isn’t enough to get a guy’s motor running, all the time. Sometimes you have to be seductive and tempting. I know this is a little darker than your innocent huddling together on the bleachers may sound, but it’s kind of essential to all dating — whether it’s a prom or a romantic lobster dinner at the pier or a tuxedo and black tie night on the town. You’d be wise to understand and master this theory, and you’ll feel a lot more confident if you have some of these tricks under your belt.

Let me know how it goes with your guy! 🙂

[Kalyov]

Figured I would give you this update.

Last week he asked me if I wanted to spend Halloween with him. We are both in our college marching band and he is a Music Education Major (he is going to be a band director). He wants to take me with him to watch his High School marching band compete at a competition.

I suppose that is sort of like a date. ^_^

I have wondered if he is waiting till then to actually ask me out? Or if not I thought about asking him when we get back to campus (we will prob be spending most of the day together)…

Me: “why haven’t you asked me yet?”
Him: “Ask you what?”
Me: “Out…you have been flirting with me for awhile now.”

or would that be a bad thing to say?

[Ask April Masini]

So glad you wrote me before you did anything!!

This guy asked you to go with him to a band competition — YES!! That’s a date!! He’s asked you out on a date. I know it’s not dinner and a movie, but since you’re both in college, and you’re both in the marching band, and he wants to take you back home to see his high school marching band compete, this is a date. My guess is that there will be some kind of dinner or bite to eat in a restaurant together, afterwards. (Do not pick up the check.) I’m also guessing he is going to introduce you to his old friends at the competition as if you are his date — not just someone he high fives.

In addition to which (BONUS!!) he asked you out for Halloween, which is a BIG date night. 😎

So, I know it’s difficult, but you have to keep sitting on your hands, and DO NOT under any circumstances, ask him why he hasn’t asked you out on a date. 👿 You must not do that. If you even try to use the dialogue you listed below, you’ll be throwing a wet blanket all over any self esteem he has as a guy. You’d basically be telling him he’s not doing his job. And that is not going to make him feel good about being with you in a romantic situation. You have to let him be the guy, even if he’s slower than you would like. He’s doing everything right. He’s just doing it slower than you want him to be doing it, but, truthfully, It’s all playing out within the range of what is a normal time scheme. I promise. 🙂

So, get my book, and take a look at it because there are lots of tips and advice that will help you through this relationship (which [i]is[/i] blooming — if you’d only let it). Use the date to take things up a notch with your behavior. Take the flirting up a notch. Be extra seductive and alluring. I know it’s a band competition and not dinner at a candlelit restaurant, but romance is where you find it, and where you make it. So nurture yours. 🙂

[Kalyov]

thank you for all your help
Im still waiting for him to ask me..hopfully he will on Halloween.
Just trying to get him to do so, hes so shy.
I think our relationship has improoved though….theres not as much poking and hi-fives being done by him…A few pokes and a couple of kicks here and there.
But theres a lot more arm touching, or just comming over to talk to me if he sees me from across the room, and how we have this unwritten rule of getting online at 10:30pm everynight and chatting until midnight or 1am.

We spent a lot of time together today; like he walked me to one of my classes, and then after the class we have together (later on in the day) we walked back together and then he had nothing to do so he just followed me around campus talking. We were extreamlly close while we walked, shoulder touching shoulder…until my ‘friend’ showed up and butted into our convo and butted him out. So he just quietly walked behind us while she gabbed away and I just glared at her…(she has a crush on him but he doesnt like her…actually she likes anything with “three legs” if you know what I mean) So then we all stopped and chatted for awhile but he kept further away, then his roommate showed up and he backed a bit further away…I guess its because hes shy maybe? But it saddned me…I was getting really mad at my ‘friend’ for ruining things, but I didnt say anything.

Also I want to ask about this…

My friend (we will call him Bullfrog because that is his nickname) Bullfrog works in the schools mail room and the guy I like (we will call him Trip because thats his nickname I gave him). well Trip went to grab his mail and he receved a care package from his church full of food and goodies…the convo went like this.

Bullfrog: “Looks like you have enough there to share with your roommate?”
Trip: “nah”
Bullfrog: “How about you girlfriend?”
Trip: “I dont have a girlfriend…”
Bullfrog: “Got anyone in mind?”
Trip: “Not yet…no:” (replied quickluy and ran off)

is that because hes so shy???
Because that just confuses me…that was right after he walked me to class.

[Ask April Masini]

Trip definitely likes you, and he’s just on a very, very, (did I say very?) VERY slow schedule. He’s also not just shy, he’s not assertive, and he’s acting more like a high school boy than a college man. But then again…so are you, acting more like a high school girl, than a college woman. 😕

You can continue on the way you have been, or you can try and tease him into feeling interested [i]enough[/i] about you, he’ll want to change things (and if he’s worried about losing someone as hot as you are, he’ll step up his game, too!) — and he’ll become more assertive about you and a possible relationship. He’s not doing much “chasing” in the relationship, but then again — you’re not really giving him anything to chase. So my advice to you (again! 😉 ) is to get and read my book [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] for the whole lowdown on how to entice him into asking you out. You’ve found the guy you want — now you have to get him!

In a nutshell, you have to balance not being so available, to being super flirty when you’re actually with him. You’re making it too easy for him to have you without dating you. If you show up every night for several hours of IM chat with him, and see him every day, what’s there for him to chase? He’s already seeing you — a lot! — and he’s already got this tacit commitment from you without having to do anything for it.

If you want him to act more like a man, you have to act more like a woman. I guarantee you that he will respond to some flirting if you dial it up a little. 🙂

Let me know how it goes. 🙂

[Kalyov]

I really wish I had the money to buy your book, I’m sure it would come in handy; sadly I am a poor college student with no job at this current time. >.<

Yes I suppose he does lack some self-confidence…Maybe I should try to boots it for him? My flirting style is very sarcastic and a lot of the time I tell him he “fails” at certain things. Maybe I should stop joking around like that.

But yeah I see what you mean about us acting like HS students instead of college students…

You can forgive him though, hes only a 18 year old freshmen(he will be 19 in Nov). I have a feeling he is new to all of this…relationships that is.

But so am I…I have only had two, and they were both last year. I feel like a 15 year old when trying to deal with men and dating, instead of a 21 1/2 year old.(So were 2 1/2 years apart)

Like I said before, I have only had 2 boyfriends; if you could even count the first as a relationship. I thought it was, we spent almost 24/7 together always going out to eat and going to the movies(to me it was like a relationship without the officialness – or thats what I thought)…he had told me him and his girlfriend had broken up and I believed him. He moved away at the end of the summer and we continued to talk online for 3 months until I found out that he had strung me along the whole time and that he never broke it off with her and that they were still dating.

We stopped talking on thanksgiving last year, at the start of November my friends boyfriend introduced me to his bestfriend via the internet because he went to a different college than all of us. Well we chatted just as friends until #1 and I lost contact, then he asked me to the movies.
We all went, so it was a double date…and then later that night he asked me out.
Stupid me said yes…it lasted only a month. He cheated on me three times, and dumped me because I wouldnt have sex with him.

Both of them hurt me emotionally and it took me months to get over, and now 10 months later I feel its time to move on and that I have found someone worthy. Trip is so different than #1 and #2, and I wish I would have found him sooner, but I guess we always have to go through some duds before we find a good one.

I myself had a lack of self-confidence after those two blows, and it is slowly being regained…that is one reason I am unsure of how to handle relationships and dating.

Going on..I think hes getting braver slightly…I know he is trying, and its cute.

Last night we had a football game and my spot in the stands is exactly in front of him.(Thats actually how we started talking to each other).
Well I decided to not focus all my attention on him like I normally do during the games (3hrs of just talking to him), instead I decided to watch the game.
He placed his hand on my shoulder; he kept touching me one way or another all night. And tried everything to get my attention, even to the point of singing to me…I was actually pretty embarrassed at that, but it was cute.
(He sang the first line of – Dont stop believing “Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world” then smiled and said “your a small town girl.” (yes I am..im from a small town and hes from around St. Louis) so I sang the second part “Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit” saying “and your a city boy.” — it was cute >.<)
Well as the night wore on he started playing with my hair, but at one point he was trying to put it behind my ear and he accidentally pulled it and it hurt. So with my reaction I think I startled him because he backed off some. (I had said “Ouch, that really hurt.”)

I think I pulled a dumb move later actually…he mentioned that he was hungry and asked if I was. Stupid me didn’t think anything of it and said: “No I am still full from lunch/dinner.” (the band eats and early supper before the game) He kind of made an exasperated noise which made me want to smack myself in the head because I then realized I should of said “yes.”

[Ask April Masini]

If he asked if you were hungry, and you said no, not realizing he was trying to invite you out to eat with him, he either didn’t know you were taking him literally, or if he did, then he could have asked you to go out just to spend some time with him whether or not food was involved!

Keep up the discipline of not asking him out, and flirting with him at the same time. It sounds like it’s working.

And remember — if you give up four Starbucks drinks, you’d have enough money to buy Think & Date Like A Man, which is probably better for you! 🙂

[Kalyov]

Well today is the day 😀
I need to get some beauty sleep because im meeting him at 9am
Its also going to be a long day
We are going to spend 12 if not more hours together
Im nervous and excited at the same time 😀
We’ve gotten much closer this past week, and im hoping he will ask tomorrow!
My friend which I had not told anything about Trip asked me why I was so happy yesterday and I said “personal.” She said “its about Trip isnt it? You two have been very close here lately, and I see the way he looks at you.”
So I guess its oblivious now! lol

[Kalyov]

well he finally asked!!!!
thanks for all of your help 😀

[Ask April Masini]

Hooray! 😀

Nice work! Keep up the theories of dating I talk about in my book, and let me know how things go.

I’m proud of you — and happy for you. I know this took discipline and change on your part, and it’s a pleasure to see it pay off for you.

[Ethan Morales]

From everything you described, he definitely likes you. The poking, nudging, high-fives, staying close, ignoring other girls’ flirtations all of it is classic “interested but testing the waters” behavior. He’s trying to feel out how you react, gauging your interest without formally committing.

The reason he hasn’t asked you out yet isn’t necessarily a lack of interest. It’s more likely that he’s cautious, figuring out timing, or nervous about rejection himself. Some guys take a month or more to make a move, especially if they sense you might cry or overthink things. he doesn’t want to mess it up.

April’s advice about teasing and rewarding attention while not being too available is solid. It’s about creating playful tension and showing that you have your own world too. it makes him more motivated to act. Don’t push him, but let your body language, your teasing, and your attention make it clear you’re interested.

He’s into you. Be confident, flirt subtly, and let him chase. The asking-out part will come when he feels the timing is right. don’t force it. And yes, your natural huddling and closeness already communicates interest perfectly.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s really sweet how much thought and care you’re putting into understanding Trip’s behavior and your own feelings. What comes through immediately is that he clearly likes you the hand touches, the playful pokes, the effort to spend hours with you, the way he focuses on you even when friends interfere all classic signs of interest and attraction. The fact that he seems shy, hesitant, or awkward about asking you out is not a reflection of his feelings; it’s more about his personality and inexperience. He’s figuring out how to navigate these early stages of a romantic relationship, just as you are.

Your observation about the “Halloween date” is spot on that’s a meaningful, intentional invitation. Even if it’s not the classic dinner-and-movie setup, it counts because he’s asking to spend a full day with you, to include you in his life, and to introduce you to people who matter to him. Those are all signals that he sees you as someone special, and it’s a big step for a shy guy. It also shows that he’s testing the waters, gauging how you respond to extended time together, and building comfort with closeness emotionally and physically.

One important thing to notice is how much your own behavior affects the dynamic. You’re very available and attentive, which is sweet, but it may make it easy for him to feel he already “has” your attention without needing to take the next step. The advice about dialing up flirtation, teasing, and being a little less immediately available is really strategic: it gives him the opportunity to step up, take initiative, and feel like he’s earning your affection, which can push a shy guy to finally ask you out formally. This isn’t about playing games; it’s about creating space for his confidence and desire to grow in the relationship.

Overall, your connection with Trip is blossoming in a very natural, slow way, which is perfect for someone shy or inexperienced. Patience, strategic flirtation, and letting him chase a little will likely lead to the moment you’re waiting for a clear, confident invitation from him. Your excitement and awareness of his subtle cues show that you’re ready for this next step, and keeping your composure while nurturing your own allure will make it happen more smoothly. He’s just on a slower, careful path and that’s okay. This is the kind of foundation that often leads to something solid and lasting.

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